Nothing new

Things are going really well with Xavier in school. He did get sick on Monday, however. We suspected it was from a lack of sleeping and sent him to school anyway. The school sent him home and he proceeded to spend the day with his head in the toilet. Poor baby. Rob did the best he could to take care of the boy.
When I got home at dinnertime, Rob was trying to convince a starving teenager to eat slowly and in small increments. Xavier inhaled two bowls of spaghetti in reply. He kept them down but Rob watched over him like a hawk.
He missed the FFA meeting due to being sick but has been getting the information from the teacher in charge. He's so excited about participating in the activities. He's decided to try trap shooting as his project. Next month they are going to play miniature golf at the golf course on the airport road. I'm excited for him.
He has met a new friend who came over last night. Vince is another teenage boy who like zombie games. The boy seems nice and polite but two teenage boys are more than I can stand, Rob and I ended up hiding in the bedroom until it was time for Scouts.
Xavier is debating whether to do Spirit Club or Chess Club. He thinks he would prefer Spirit Club but we'll see. He missed the first meetings of both because of a schedule conflict that I didn't quite understand. (He was too busy fighting zombies with Vince to really pay attention to me and we didn't get time to talk after scouts).
He's enjoying high school so that's something. Now to get all our ducks in a row and a good routine down.
This weekend we're going to see my brother in Auburn and the new baby. Xavier is really excited.
Next week is the fair so there will be plenty to share about that. September promises to be a busy month.

Back to School

I had meant to post this Wednesday but I was waiting for Xavier to report how school was going. He asked me to wait until his second day so he would actually have something to share. The picture is from his first day but it took a lot of begging to get him to hold still for it. He didn't want his picture all over facebook and what not. We may still get it up on facebook but for now family can enjoy his smiling face here.
For all his anxiety about high school, Xavier really likes it. He has six classes - Freshman English, Math Essentials, Agricultural Science, Resource, Information Technology and Food and Nutrition. He hasn't decided which is his favorite yet.
Xavier shared that his math teacher is trying to help him get through Algebra 1 so he can catch up with his class. It will be nice for him to actually advance. We'll be talking with the teacher about math testing to catch any issues with him understanding math. He's got a good math brain and has loved it but I get the feeling the real problem is the way he processes math problems. He's got a good problem solving ability but I fear it doesn't match the way his teachers want him to process it. At this point in time no one cares that he can tell them the right answer - they want him to be able to demonstrate their process for solving the problem. The teachers focus so much on this because the state tests focus on this. I never realized what a disservice this is to the children. It doesn't play to their strengths nor does it support using different methods for solving a problem. I wonder what effect it has later in life when the children are confronted with a problem - will they get stuck because they have been taught there is only one way to solve a problem? Who knows but so far his current math teacher seems great. She told Rob that they will have little homework because she prefers to work with the kids. That's a blessing for us and Xavier since he's so resistant to doing the work at home.
I didn't get a lot of information about English or Science. Xavier knows that his science class is agriculture based but couldn't tell me more than that. I think it's a physical science which Xavier is really good at. He's excited to see how the class goes.
Information Technology sounds like a real technical class but from Xavier's description - it's keyboarding with a fancy title. Xavier's not a bad typist so he should do rather well.
Xavier loves his Resource Room teacher who is this huge guy (who looks like a kid himself). They're getting things ready for Xavier's IEP which comes do in November.
Food and Nutrition is the class I am most excited about for Xavier. He just loves being in the kitchen and loved his "home ec" class last year. Right now the students are getting to know each other and Xavier likes that. He says it's almost half boys and half girls (with just a few more girls than boys) and it's a small class with less than twenty students. I'm so excited for him.
I haven't gotten any reports about clubs or whatnot but that will come in time. He joined the chess club which meets during lunch but I don't know if they have met this week.
Last thing I want to share is that Xavier has started writing. He shared his work with Rob who encouraged me to ask to read it. I got to read it yesterday. It's amazing. Xavier has a great imagination (for a child who absolutely hates imaginative play) and a good voice for writing but he never has really pursued it. This piece has lines that are better than many writer's who have professional careers. I have permission to share a line with you so you can see how great he is.
"Here I'm bound in the chains of destiny, trapt in a living hell wondering how I'd free myself and break away from the fear and hurt that's been put on me." (No editing was done on my part).

Getting Ready for High School

I haven't posted much lately because things have been really quiet around here. Xavier starts school next week and he's really nervous but there's not much to share. So I thought I'd share a little story.
Monday was school registration. It's an important time to go up to the school for lunch program information, bus passes, school pictures and anything else. Many school clubs have sign-ups as well. I left the task to my capable husband who did a wonderful job making sure everything was taken care of.
Later I got a chance to sit and talk with Xavier about how it went. I'm trying to get him excited about his first day of school because he's so worried about it. He told me he signed up for chess club. So I asked if he saw any other group he was interested in. He replied that there weren't that many groups there - chess, cheer, athletics were about it. Then with great enthusiasm he says "Where was FFA? I really wanted to sign-up. I didn't plan my schedule that way not to do FFA." (Xavier is doing the agricultural science/math track with the idea it would help him with FFA - I let him because I think it will interest him more). Then he says, "I really want to do FFA. I want one of those swanky jackets." That's my boy - always got his priorities straight.

Getting Ready for High School, pt 1

We had our last official session with the home therapist last night. Dennis said he'll probably pop in now and again just to check on how things are but Xavier made huge strides this summer. Dennis and Anna both question Xavier's diagnosis of PDD because he's quite bright but they don't believe he doesn't need the extra support so there's no challenges to the official diagnosis. I wonder if we should look into re-testing but I don't know.
One thing Dennis has been working on with Xavier is a serious face. Xavier greets the world with a big goofy grin and Dennis wanted him to work on a more serious, mature face so that making friends and dealing with peers will be a little easier. Xavier's serious face only lasts a few seconds before the grin breaks through but it's a start. The idea behind the face is to help Xavier realize that some situations require a more serious approach.
Xavier is so nervous for high school. Last night, he and Dennis discussed growing up and being mature. Xavier doesn't want to grow up, he wants to be a kid for as long as possible. That's not a bad thing but he does have to grow up some. We compromised by saying Xavier is moving from a young child to an older child (instead of a young adult).
It's going to take some work but I think he'll do okay. Registration is Monday and Rob will be taking Xavier. This will be Rob's opportunity to tour the high school and Xavier's chance to learn about school clubs. His classes have already been determined and he'll pick up his schedule.
We're working on getting school supplies. The only thing he's short is a flash drive so if anyone has an extra one - we'd love to have it. He's got all the other stuff including a scientific calculator (I still had mine from high school). I don't think he needs it yet since he'll be working on Pre-algerbra again but we have one just in case. I think I'll have him wait to take it to school though.
I met the Special Ed teacher back in May - he's a big football playing kind of guy (didn't surprise me when he shared that he was also the football coach). He's young and fun so Xavier should have a good time with him. Maybe he can be successful where the other female teachers weren't (and that's getting Xavier to take homework seriously).
I'm starting a plan to help Xavier be more successful with homework. I still have the bingo card idea in the works. I should probably work on that some more so the cards are in place when school starts - where did the summer go? WSU starts on the 22nd which is just over a week away and PHS will start a couple days later - meaning I have less than 2 weeks to get all his stuff in place (ACK!!!!).

Media Deprivation

I've been working my way through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's a great book that is supposed to help you work through things that prevent you from being creative or artistic. I'm not really having a problem but I find that this time (this is my second time working through her book) that I am learning so much about myself and really want to share with everyone.
What does this have to do with Xavier? Well, as part of her program, Julia Cameron asks that each participant give up one week of reading. To me that wasn't going to work. I barely have time to read what I need to as it is but I know that I waste time watching TV and playing video games. I decided the only way this could be successful is to get the entire family involved. Starting Sunday, we have gone without TV or video games (for the most part).
It's amazing how much time we now have. I kind of miss TV but not really. I am filling up my time with so many things. Sunday, we put up different shelves in the spare room (which we call the craft room). That room, Xavier and I share for various projects. He gets a personal media space with a tv, dvd/vcr, and a video game system and I get a sewing/crafting space. It's been a mess for a long time because we have too much stuff in the smallest room of the house. It's not perfect but I can see that once we get rid of all the little furniture bits that are being stored in there after rearranging that Xavier and I will have a really nice place to be. Once we get rid of those items at our upcoming yardsale (in the works but no date set), we'll have room to put in a bean bag chair or two for Xavier.
Also on Sunday, we played a round of Spiderman Monopoly - Xavier completely kicked butt. After his Dad went bankrupt, Xavier started cheating so I wouldn't lose. I did end up going bankrupt but many turns around the board later instead of right away.
At Papa's we played aggravation and then Xavier found this multi-game set. Out of that we played 3 rounds of Snakes and Ladders and 2 rounds of pickup sticks. We had so much fun that no one missed watching tv.
Last night, Xavier could not wait until I was home so we could play Milles Bornes. I won both games and Rob feels like he still doesn't get how it's played. I suppose we'll have to play it all week until he gets it.
I hope to actually leave the house a couple times this week to do fun things but the week looks like it's going to be busy. Tonight we have therapy but I am looking forward to sharing all the wonderful strides Xavier has been making lately. He's growing up so fast and is really trying to think things through before reacting. It's not always successful but the truth is - he's a step ahead of so many "normal" people with the fact that he's trying.

Party Time

We had a super busy weekend, starting on Friday. Friday we went to the Hamilton-Lowe Aquatic Center in Moscow, ID. Every year we go as a family to celebrate Rob's birthday. Joining us was my dad and my brother, Josh (Josh's birthday is on the 2nd and Rob's is on the 4th). I forgot my camera so there are no pictures.
Xavier loves the "water park" since the Aquatic Center has two big slides, a lazy river, a water structure and various swimming areas. He did really well, sometimes when there's too much activity he has a hard time shutting off. We had a small issue when it was time to leave for dinner (we said we'd try to come back but no promises). Xavier laid down to dry off and refused to acknowledge anyone, especially his dad. It's not the worst moment he's ever had so I wasn't overly concerned. When we were ready to leave, he got up and left. He returned to normal by the time we were in the van to go to A&W. We came back and he played for another hour. He had no problem leaving when the lifeguard told him it was time to get out (the park closes at 7:30).
On Saturday, Xavier and I went with my dad to Silverwood in Coeur d'Alene. It's a long drive and we left just after nine and got there about noon (lots of traffic just getting out to the park so the last hour was trying to get the last 20 miles). Xavier was so excited but we had a talk before going in. He had to let me know when it was time out time. He did really well and only had one moment when we had to threaten a time out. That particular moment happened late in the day and we were in this really long line (we managed to miss most long lines) and he was just antsy. He kept picking at me and I asked him if he needed a time out - he replied "no, thank you" and tried to find something more constructive to do with his energy. It wasn't perfect but there was no kicking or screaming so I felt we had a great success.
I want to share that Xavier is an incrediably brave soul. He did rides all by himself that made me nervous just knowing he was on it. I watched the panic plunge while he waited in line so when he asked me if I was scared, I could honestly answer no because it was really short and we were all there within view. The other rides - not so easy on momma. He did miss one ride he really wanted to try because the line was way too long but we left for home at ten feeling like we had the best day of our life. We crawled into bed after 1 and spent Sunday quietly enjoying being home. I'll share more about what we're doing this week but our weekend was so busy and we are so tired.

Arrival at the park.

Train ride - car 3 got wet so Xavier wanted to be there. Papa and I sat under cover a car back.

Xavier enjoying the train show.

That blue and green structure is The Aftershock.

Papa paid for Xavier to try the shooting gallery - he got 18 out of 18 shots.

Xavier psyching up for the Panic Plunge.

Way up to the top.

Landing

Water slide

In line for The Aftershock.


Safely on ground.

Beautiful, Talented or Smart

Yesterday, a friend of mine started a discussion on facebook about the way we talk to girls. That, as a society, we tell them to be cute but not smart. There was a book involved with this discussion but I didn't look at it. It was an interesting conversation.
For me, it was important to tell Xavier every day how beautiful/handsome he is. I battled an eating disorder in college and have struggled with my own self image so why not give him a foundation to prevent this. I, also, tell him he's smart but sadly it usually goes like this "You're too smart to do this" (whatever this is).
I know he's a brilliant young man and he's good looking when he takes care of himself but I never know if I am doing anything right.
So, last night, Xavier crawls into bed with me because I was in bed before him (I get tucked in instead of him). I ask him - would he rather have someone say he was beautiful, smart or talented. He asked me why they would say that and I replied it didn't matter which would he prefer. He thought about it for a moment and then said "well, I already know I am two of those things." I asked him which two - he said smart and talented but that he's only beautiful in his mother's eyes.
Yep - he sure is smart but I think he's still a beautiful boy even if it's just the beauty of his heart.

Ice Cream Social

Thought I would just share something light after last weeks, week-long rant. On Sunday we went to the Ice Cream Social at the McConnell Mansion in Moscow, Idaho. This was a free event and the weather was beautiful.
Xavier had a lot of fun looking over the hunting and trapping display outside under the trees. He was able to name most of the furs they had on the table. He later told me he thought it was mean to have all those furs. He's such a softie sometimes.

We stopped for a moment to see the raptor's. Xavier loves the birds but it seems that the more we see them the fewer birds they have to show off and the more competition to get up to see the birds. Last year we took a tour of the raptor facility and I think we'll save up our interest for the next tour.

We took a tour of the house, which Xavier found moderately interesting. This bed here is missing it's mattress so Xavier thought that was cool. He, also, wanted his picture taken in the bathtub but we didn't think the museum staff would like that.


We then got some ice cream and sat and listened to the music.

We finished up our time with a hay ride. Xavier loves hay rides and horses so we had a lot of fun.

Harry Potter

We went Sunday to see the last Harry Potter movie. Taking Xavier to the movies is always an adventure. He's getting better but we have to be clear with the rules when we get there.
Xavier loves to talk through movies especially when it's characters he knows. I can't stand watching comic book movies with him or ones adapted from cartoons because he has a pre-conceived notion about how the characters should behave.
He wasn't too bad through this movie. It was long for a movie but he didn't get to antsy which just goes to show how much he liked it. He's getting really tall so I ended up getting kicked and kneed a few times as he repositioned himself. The chairs are not that big at the theatre and he likes to sit with his feet under him. It was not really successful at the theatre but he managed.
He didn't talk to me much through the movie but that may have been the stern warning I gave him before it started. He did whisper to his father now and again but it didn't seem to excessive (and he remembered to whisper as quietly as possible).
I love movies adapted from books when it comes to sharing movies with Xavier. Sometimes the movies are so good, we can talk him into reading the book. He has listened to Harry Potter books on tape/cd which is a good start.
I've been trying to get him to read books this summer with the idea that I would read them too and we'd watch the movie but I can't get him through a book. He does like graphic novels and just devours them so it's not all bad.
This post is more scattered than I meant it to be but that is life in our house. Xavier is sure growing up and I can see some things change. Ten years of watching Harry Potter movies and I get to see my boy grow up with them. I can't believe he was only 4 when the first movie came out. I know we didn't see the first few in the theatre - the idea of going to a movie with Xavier was not fun. Even getting him to sit through them at home was hard. Now I think he'd sit through a whole marathon but he'd do a lot of talking because he knows the stories so well.
For those who might watch a movie with Xavier, never watch a movie for the first time with him if he has seen it before - he loves to talk about what's going to happen. He has a really good movie memory and gets overly excited when he knows something good is going to happen. He doesn't care if you talk through the movie nor does he mind knowing what's going to happen. It's all fun to him (he can watch the same movie over and over, still). Fortunately, he watches lots of movies so it's rare that we see the same one twice in a month unless it's airing on tv.

Update

I haven't really posted anything this week because there's not much to share. Xavier had a sleepover this week with the boy downstairs. We've been hesitant to let him stay over because Brady is 10 and Xavier is 14. The two boys are really close friends and have been for the last 2 years but I really am uncomfortable with the idea of a sleepover. Brady slept over at our house last week and Xavier stayed this week. We did talk to Brady's mom about our concerns. We really like Brady but I worry that something innocent will happen and an accusation would do irrepairable harm.
I know I may be over-worrying but last summer a Dad became irrate after finding his 8 year old daughter sitting on Xavier's lap at the playground. I know what he was implying. Xavier was heartbroken because he couldn't understand what he did wrong. Because Rob and I were both working, we wouldn't let Xavier go outside to play until we got home so it meant a long summer stuck inside. Rob's home this summer and that family has moved so Xavier is spending lots of time playing outside.
Because Xavier likes to play with the younger kids and pretty much avoids kids his own age, I worry. I worry a lot. Xavier is a sweet kid but it's a tough world out there. I'd hate for Xavier to get into trouble.
Well, the sleepovers had no problems. Xavier worked hard to give Brady privacy and be respectful and discreet. Xavier has bunk beds so there was no worry about where anyone was going to sleep except I think Xavier had Brady sleep on the bottom bunk and he slept in the closet (silly kid).
Xavier had his challenge course this week but ended up sick. He missed Monday and tried Tuesday but they brought him home early. We have an irritating summer cold going through our house - not enough to make us feel really sick but enough to drag on and on.

Xavier update

Things are going really well with Xavier. He's been on the medication for a little over 3 weeks now and his behavior has been well controlled. He's still a teenager but his emotional responses are normal. He doesn't seem to be as angry as he was before. He's swimming lots. He still attends church (just we're not always making it through the entire service - sacrament and sunday school). He likes spending time with his new scout troop/youth group.
Today he woke up with a horrible headache so he missed his adventure/challenge course group. He'll catch up with them tomorrow when he's feeling better. A small bug has been working it's way through our family. It's not the kind that really make you sick but you just feel blah for several day with minor symptoms here and there.
We've been experimenting with going more natural with household products. A friend of mine suggested we try soap nuts. I made up shampoo and soap with the soapnuts. I don't mind them except my hair is going through a weird shampoo withdrawal but Xavier hated them so he's back to bar soap and regular shampoo.
Our garden is going okay - it's still green but not a lot of growth. Xavier and I planted a strawberry plant last night and Wednesday I am going to add manure and more soil to the plot while Xavier is at scouts. It will get there. Xavier is excited for the blueberries to get ripe but it looks like we'll get strawberries first (there are 3 berries and they started to get red yesterday).
Good things are happening and I'm excited.

Growing up and still mama's little boy

Last night Xavier snuggled up to me as I laid in bed. I asked him where my little boy had gone and he said he was right there. He would always be my little boy. At times like this it's hard to think of Xavier growing up.
I follow a blog written by women who have a family member with what they call a hidden disability. This includes children with Autism. It's an interesting blog and often gives me inspiration of new things to try with Xavier.
I was struck by a conversation about redirecting young men's behavior when it came to interacting with their mom. They talked about training their son's not to hold their hand in public or to be so snuggly. They had good reasons for this. They wanted their sons to learn how to interact with members of the opposite sex and to develop a certain amount of maturity.
I talked with my husband about this and he just thought I was over-reacting when I expressed my concern for holding Xavier back. He didn't see anything wrong with letting Xavier hold my hand or snuggle with me.
I talked with my mom. She said that when my brothers were born, she knew that she was going to accept every snuggle, hand holding, sign of affection for as long as my brothers would offer them.
So I talked to Xavier. Conversations like this are always a struggle with Xavier because I think they sort of embarrass him. They shouldn't because I want to know what he thinks, how he feels. I think it's just too much work to talk about his feelings that he just doesn't want to. He told me he was just fine with how things are.
I got to thinking. Xavier gives me cues when he's not wanting to demonstrate affection. He doesn't always hold my hand in public, especially if someone from school might see. He doesn't mind me kissing him in front of his friends - I know because I ask him before I kiss him.
I'm his mom and at this point in time, I think it's okay for him to demonstrate affection how he's comfortable. He does have this terrible habit of wanting to chew on me when he's uncomfortable and that's something we're working on redirecting (because it hurts).
If he wants to hold my hand until he's forty, I don't think I'll object (he will be married and living on his own at this time so it probably won't happen all that often).

Therapy night

Last night was our first official CFI therapy. It was really casual and felt more like a cluster of conversations than therapy. There was a lot of information (from us) that just layered over the two hours. Dennis is a great guy and is going to be a joy to work with. He said he was amazed at how functioning we were as a family (he said something about us being a unique situation). He's going to bring another boy next time (in two weeks) to help Xavier work on his social skills and Rob and I have to come up with a list of motivators/rewards to get Xavier to have the behaviors we want. I have struggled with motivators when it comes to Xavier but Dennis had some great ideas.
I want to come up with a unique way to keep track of the tasks and behaviors we want Xavier to have so I thought I'd try a Bingo game. I'd make up Bingo cards and laminate them with the tasks we want Xavier to do - like brush his teeth and take out the trash. We can have school ones as well. In the beginning I think I'll have him try to get a "bingo" and then work up to filling the whole card. Rob and I can initial the tasks when he does them. We'll see how that goes.

Fourth of July

What a busy three day weekend. Xavier loves holidays especially when friends and family come to visit. This weekend my best friend and her family came to Pullman. Vanessa and I have known each other for 20 years (I cannot believe it's been that long). She's married with the cutest little girl and another on the way. Xavier loves to play with Nadia, Vanessa's daughter.
We went swimming on Saturday as a group and then got together on Monday for a family BBQ (ours and hers) and then again for fireworks that night. The fireworks in Pullman are really nice but we sat just under them so it was spectacular. The fireworks were so large and loud. Xavier kept yelling about them breaking the sound barrier.
We're all very tired today. I had to go to work while the "boys" slept in. It will be interesting to see how tonights therapy will go. I just hope we're not all too cranky. It's just the first appointment so it shouldn't dig too deep.
I'll have to share pictures this week when I think of it. Still haven't gotten around to taking pictures of the garden - should probably ask Xavier to do that when he waters. The gardens are going well. It's been really hot so we have to keep remembering to water more than once a day.