Getting Ready for High School, pt 1

We had our last official session with the home therapist last night. Dennis said he'll probably pop in now and again just to check on how things are but Xavier made huge strides this summer. Dennis and Anna both question Xavier's diagnosis of PDD because he's quite bright but they don't believe he doesn't need the extra support so there's no challenges to the official diagnosis. I wonder if we should look into re-testing but I don't know.
One thing Dennis has been working on with Xavier is a serious face. Xavier greets the world with a big goofy grin and Dennis wanted him to work on a more serious, mature face so that making friends and dealing with peers will be a little easier. Xavier's serious face only lasts a few seconds before the grin breaks through but it's a start. The idea behind the face is to help Xavier realize that some situations require a more serious approach.
Xavier is so nervous for high school. Last night, he and Dennis discussed growing up and being mature. Xavier doesn't want to grow up, he wants to be a kid for as long as possible. That's not a bad thing but he does have to grow up some. We compromised by saying Xavier is moving from a young child to an older child (instead of a young adult).
It's going to take some work but I think he'll do okay. Registration is Monday and Rob will be taking Xavier. This will be Rob's opportunity to tour the high school and Xavier's chance to learn about school clubs. His classes have already been determined and he'll pick up his schedule.
We're working on getting school supplies. The only thing he's short is a flash drive so if anyone has an extra one - we'd love to have it. He's got all the other stuff including a scientific calculator (I still had mine from high school). I don't think he needs it yet since he'll be working on Pre-algerbra again but we have one just in case. I think I'll have him wait to take it to school though.
I met the Special Ed teacher back in May - he's a big football playing kind of guy (didn't surprise me when he shared that he was also the football coach). He's young and fun so Xavier should have a good time with him. Maybe he can be successful where the other female teachers weren't (and that's getting Xavier to take homework seriously).
I'm starting a plan to help Xavier be more successful with homework. I still have the bingo card idea in the works. I should probably work on that some more so the cards are in place when school starts - where did the summer go? WSU starts on the 22nd which is just over a week away and PHS will start a couple days later - meaning I have less than 2 weeks to get all his stuff in place (ACK!!!!).

Media Deprivation

I've been working my way through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's a great book that is supposed to help you work through things that prevent you from being creative or artistic. I'm not really having a problem but I find that this time (this is my second time working through her book) that I am learning so much about myself and really want to share with everyone.
What does this have to do with Xavier? Well, as part of her program, Julia Cameron asks that each participant give up one week of reading. To me that wasn't going to work. I barely have time to read what I need to as it is but I know that I waste time watching TV and playing video games. I decided the only way this could be successful is to get the entire family involved. Starting Sunday, we have gone without TV or video games (for the most part).
It's amazing how much time we now have. I kind of miss TV but not really. I am filling up my time with so many things. Sunday, we put up different shelves in the spare room (which we call the craft room). That room, Xavier and I share for various projects. He gets a personal media space with a tv, dvd/vcr, and a video game system and I get a sewing/crafting space. It's been a mess for a long time because we have too much stuff in the smallest room of the house. It's not perfect but I can see that once we get rid of all the little furniture bits that are being stored in there after rearranging that Xavier and I will have a really nice place to be. Once we get rid of those items at our upcoming yardsale (in the works but no date set), we'll have room to put in a bean bag chair or two for Xavier.
Also on Sunday, we played a round of Spiderman Monopoly - Xavier completely kicked butt. After his Dad went bankrupt, Xavier started cheating so I wouldn't lose. I did end up going bankrupt but many turns around the board later instead of right away.
At Papa's we played aggravation and then Xavier found this multi-game set. Out of that we played 3 rounds of Snakes and Ladders and 2 rounds of pickup sticks. We had so much fun that no one missed watching tv.
Last night, Xavier could not wait until I was home so we could play Milles Bornes. I won both games and Rob feels like he still doesn't get how it's played. I suppose we'll have to play it all week until he gets it.
I hope to actually leave the house a couple times this week to do fun things but the week looks like it's going to be busy. Tonight we have therapy but I am looking forward to sharing all the wonderful strides Xavier has been making lately. He's growing up so fast and is really trying to think things through before reacting. It's not always successful but the truth is - he's a step ahead of so many "normal" people with the fact that he's trying.

Xavier update

Things are going really well with Xavier. He's been on the medication for a little over 3 weeks now and his behavior has been well controlled. He's still a teenager but his emotional responses are normal. He doesn't seem to be as angry as he was before. He's swimming lots. He still attends church (just we're not always making it through the entire service - sacrament and sunday school). He likes spending time with his new scout troop/youth group.
Today he woke up with a horrible headache so he missed his adventure/challenge course group. He'll catch up with them tomorrow when he's feeling better. A small bug has been working it's way through our family. It's not the kind that really make you sick but you just feel blah for several day with minor symptoms here and there.
We've been experimenting with going more natural with household products. A friend of mine suggested we try soap nuts. I made up shampoo and soap with the soapnuts. I don't mind them except my hair is going through a weird shampoo withdrawal but Xavier hated them so he's back to bar soap and regular shampoo.
Our garden is going okay - it's still green but not a lot of growth. Xavier and I planted a strawberry plant last night and Wednesday I am going to add manure and more soil to the plot while Xavier is at scouts. It will get there. Xavier is excited for the blueberries to get ripe but it looks like we'll get strawberries first (there are 3 berries and they started to get red yesterday).
Good things are happening and I'm excited.

Therapy night

Last night was our first official CFI therapy. It was really casual and felt more like a cluster of conversations than therapy. There was a lot of information (from us) that just layered over the two hours. Dennis is a great guy and is going to be a joy to work with. He said he was amazed at how functioning we were as a family (he said something about us being a unique situation). He's going to bring another boy next time (in two weeks) to help Xavier work on his social skills and Rob and I have to come up with a list of motivators/rewards to get Xavier to have the behaviors we want. I have struggled with motivators when it comes to Xavier but Dennis had some great ideas.
I want to come up with a unique way to keep track of the tasks and behaviors we want Xavier to have so I thought I'd try a Bingo game. I'd make up Bingo cards and laminate them with the tasks we want Xavier to do - like brush his teeth and take out the trash. We can have school ones as well. In the beginning I think I'll have him try to get a "bingo" and then work up to filling the whole card. Rob and I can initial the tasks when he does them. We'll see how that goes.

Babies

My brother and his wife had their baby Tuesday night. Their bundle of joy was named Bianca and she is so precious. Xavier is baby crazy so having a new baby in the family is great. He loves to play with the little kids but has such a knack with babies. It's one of those fascinating traits about Xavier - he's so busy that you can't imagine his patience when it comes to small beings who need a little less activity. He can sit still and watch barn kittens or bunnies.
My mom is going to see the baby and new parents this weekend so it does mean not really having her around for the holidays. We promise to forgive her if she brings back lots of pictures. I'm looking over the budget to see if there is any chance of taking a Seattle trip this summer. We'd love to go see the baby even if it means a really tiring trip.
I'm bouncing around today because I don't really have a good topic for today's post. Xavier will be meeting with Dennis who will be the family therapist and we will meet with him Tuesday. I'm excited for this and hope it's rather successful. Since Xavier has been on the Risperdal, we've had far fewer problems with his behavior. We're working on tapping but at this moment Xavier is not really open to it so I don't want to share the procedure if it's unsuccessful. I may share anyway because I have noticed that it really makes me feel better and calmer. The goal is just to keep mentioning it to Xavier is short increments so that it becomes something that he just does instead of trying to "force" him into using it. The last time I suggested it to him, he just showed me he knew how to do it and didn't say anything so this might work.
I've been seeing "ads" around campus looking for volunteers to help at Orphan Acres which is a horse rescue farm. I keep forgetting to talk with Xavier about it but I think it might be something he'd enjoy helping with. He has a knack with horses and I could tell how attached his therapy horse was to him. The horse kept nuzzling Xavier and no one else. Everyone was so impressed with his work with his horse. The program was a couple of hours a week for 9 weeks and the last day the kids show their skills off. Xavier's horse did everything he asked it to do with no problem. In fact that was part of the problem because they were demonstrating how they work with uncooperative horses and Xavier's horse was completely cooperative. It was so great to see.
Xavier says he wants to grow up to be a crazy cat man. We watched the original Clash of the Titans this past weekend and Xavier was in love with the older man (the playwright whose name I can't remember now). That man had cats and kittens all over his room. As soon as Xavier noticed it, he exclaimed that that's what he wanted to be when he grew up - a crazy cat man and was so glad that someone else was one too.

Challenge Course

Xavier has done his two days at the challenge course for this month. He is loving it. His friend Mariah is also doing the challenge course so he has someone to buddy around with.
I rather like Mariah. We've known her most of her life so it's really nice for Xavier to have a friend like that. She's a year younger than Xavier so they will not be in school together next year and they are both sad.
According to Xavier, the challenge course was easy. I should probably ask Anna how he does. Xavier has a tendency to step away from the hard problem solving especially in a group setting. On his own, Xavier is always thinking about creative ways to do things. He's big on finding random objects for "projects". Most of the time he likes to take things apart and figure out how they work and go together. He's got some interesting imagination - he can connect with stuffed animals and action figures but not create things that are not there.
I know that at the Scout Challenge Course Xavier often wanted to hold back and not really participate. I think some of that has to do with his inability to really connect with the boys in that troop - we'll see how things go this fall with the new troop.
So many little things going on. I will try to remember to share all the things. I am going to start teaching Xavier to do "tapping" which is a therapy that has the person invision positive thinking while tapping on particular body parts. Rob and I took a class years ago and I recently found a book about it at the library.

So little time...

It's been a crazy couple of weeks in the Thompson house.
Over the weekend of June 18-19, Rob and I helped my mother move from her house to an apartment in Pullman. It was not a well put together move and there is still so much to do. We did get most of the furnishings moved and most of the stuff in the house packed. Xavier spent the weekend with his Papa killing zombies. We were quite tired and so stressed with the move that we barely got any time with Xavier that weekend. He didn't mind.
Monday, June 20th, we got a call. My mother was in the hospital. She had had chest pains that went away when she took her nitroglycerin. I spent the morning in the hospital with her while Rob was home with Xavier. Xavier wasn't worried so I should have known she was alright. The doctor's couldn't find any evidence of heart damage and she was sent home at about 3. The doctor suspected the move stressed her system - she wasn't eating like she should and not taking her pills because everything was still packed.
We helped her unpack and find her medications so she could recover. My mother now lives in the complex next to us for the next month while she gets into more permanent housing. It's really nice having her in town. Xavier likes that he can walk to her house. It looks like she's going to move not very far from my dad so Xavier will have both of them close.
Tuesday, the CFI social worker came to our house to fill out paperwork. She was very nice but Xavier didn't really want to talk to her. He spent a lot of time trying to hide in the cushions of the couch.
Later we went to the doctor to talk about his medication. Xavier was still not feeling chatty about his therapy needs. He did want to talk about the large map on the wall with the pushpins (the pushpins represent places patients have come from).
The doctor is keeping Xavier on the .5 mg dosage and we'll wait and see what happens.
We're supposed to meet with the CFI therapist soon. In the meantime, Xavier is spending today and tomorrow with Anna at a challenge course. The program runs 2 days a month through the summer with an extra "fun" outing. In the past, they have gone rafting but this year they may go to a waterpark.
Xavier is swimming every chance he can get. He loves being at the pool. It's been rather cold here off and on so some days he's outside and some days he's inside, depending on which pool is open.
This past weekend, we had family time at home. Saturday we cleaned house and Sunday we planted the garden. We put Blueberries and herbs in Xavier's plot and tomatoes, peppers and watermelon in the other plot. I felt it was better to put plants that we will keep next year in one plot. We are on the lookout for sweet banana peppers, pickling cucumbers and strawberries to fill out the gardens. They aren't pretty but I will take pictures to share.

Back to the Doctor

Xavier will have to go back to the doctor. He's not really excited about this but right now we have great medical coverage so I'd rather get it all done while we can.
He did go to the dentist last week - I believe I forgot to mention that. Xavier has great teeth genetics so no cavities yet. The dentist doesn't think he will get cavities since there haven't been any and no sign that he will need braces. Xavier has one tooth out of line but the rest are perfect. There's no need to correct that one tooth and Xavier likes it just the way it is. The bad thing is Xavier is not really good at brushing his teeth. We have given him more control over his hygiene instead of standing over him while he gets ready but we may have to be more hands-on. I don't know what it is about teeth brushing that Xavier doesn't like but he really doesn't want to do it. We've switched him to Toms of Maine which is not a bad toothpaste. I hope that a more natural toothpaste might appeal more to him. Since the dentist is sure there won't be cavities there's no more threat of fillings to convince him to brush. (Ideas would be greatly appreciated).
Next Tuesday he goes back to Dr Hall to talk about the medication. I just don't feel comfortable not making the appointment after getting the medicine in an emergency.
I talked with Anna, X's therapist, yesterday. She has recommended that we try CFI which is a different sort of therapy that is done in home with the whole family. I like this idea because it gets us all on the same page and someone who really knows what they are talking about creating a plan instead of Rob and I trying to piece together our own therapy program. She said we should put any schooling plans on hold and talk with the school in the fall. She works closely with Xavier's school but it seems that we need a better person in charge. Xavier did have multiple members on his team but no real leader so not all the information was being shared across the board. There were issues that Rob and I were working on with the school that Anna didn't know existed and vice versa. Unfortunately we can't do anything about it now but we can learn to be more communicative. We didn't really talk much to Anna this year and I think it harmed Xavier's ability to get help. We'll have to make sure we touch base with Anna on a regular basis.
Meanwhile Xavier will work with Anna in a group setting a few times this summer doing challenge courses and some sort of trip. He hadn't worked with Anna last summer because he was doing so well so he's excited to return to the program. In the years past they have gone on an all day rafting trip but they may do something different this year.
We meet with the CFI coordinator on Tuesday as well. We're excited to get this ball rolling.
Xavier will have his first trip with Anna on the 27th and he's already excited.
We had a rough start to the summer but I think we're still on task with trying to find a good therapy that works for Xavier and will help him be successful in high school. I did talk with Anna about Xavier going through "the change" and how we will have to monitor that while we are working on his PDD/ADHD issues. Puberty is tough for anyone but add that to a mix of other issues and this is going to be one bumpy ride.

Rage

When Xavier was about nine years old, he began to have these episodes where he was absolutely uncontrollable. At first, it was easy to mistake them for temper tantrums but soon we noticed that it was something more. One afternoon while I was alone with him, he threatened to kill me. There was something really cold in the way he said it. I was able to pretend that it didn't bother me but it did. I was suddenly afraid of my child. It was at that time we realized that Xavier needed medication.
Years pass and last year, at this time, Xavier's doctor had us wean him off his medication. I didn't really understand why but I was all for it. I am not exactly anti-medication but I always feel there is a better way to treat behavior than with a pill.
For the last month, Xavier's temper tantrums have been getting worse. We're learning that Xavier is not functioning without medication. He really doesn't want to be medicated and we want to be better parents. To be honest, I was sure we were doing something wrong when Xavier has these tantrums. And maybe we are but something more is going on.
Last night, Xavier refused to use his table manners at dinner. At 14 there is no excuse not to display some ettiquette while eating. We decided that he needed a time out to think about what sort of behavior he needed to have at dinner. His behavior went beyond a simple tantrum and into uncontrollable violence. I am sure there were better ways to handle the situation but Rob and I didn't know that it was something more at the time. We tried to send him to his room but he refused to stay. He hit his father with the intent to really hurt him while Rob was trying to get him to just take a time out. He threw things but it wasn't until he grabbed me around the neck that I realized that something more was going on. Xavier was out of control.
We started with calling his therapist but no one could really help us. The woman on the phone said if it got too bad, we should call the police. I don't want to be that parent - the one who calls the police on their child. I can't help it but I don't want the neighbors to know how out of control he is and I just don't see that as a real solution to the problem. We were able to get a doctor from the medical practice to write a prescription for risperidone. It was one of the medications Xavier was on last year.
Poor Xavier, he was starting to come down from his episode at this time and was making promises to work harder on the Feingold diet. He had had some apple juice and was sure that it was what happened since apples are not allowed during stage one of the diet. He was afraid to be touched because he didn't want to hurt us. He was sweating profusely. I knew in my heart that this was something more than just behavior. Xavier is not a bad kid. He's not a violent person.
We are putting him back on the risperidone at a tiny dosage. Even when he was on it before the doctor kept commenting what a small dosage he needed. If we can help him with this little pill then it's worth it. We'll try helping him with other therapies still.
Rob is supposed to make an appointment with Xavier's doctor and we will call for intervention services to see if there is more we can do. We've got a long summer ahead of us but the goal is to make high school successful so I am willing to do this all now.

Visit with the doctor and summer planning

We took Xavier to the doctor on Monday to talk about treatment options and to see if the doctor would be supportive of alternate therapies. The doctor had a med student shadowing him so it was a packed house. Xavier was really cool with the med student and they talked about how she was a UW student (we are a WSU family). I have to say I really like Xavier's new doctor. He listened to all our plans and took notes so he could do some research on the therapies we wanted to look into. He's willing to talk with Xavier's Neurologist to get medication information. Xavier would really like to avoid medications. We have put him on a slew of supplements - multi-vitamin/mineral, lobelia, melatonin, probiotics and an omega blend. He was worried that the omega blend would have fish oils but it turned out to be all vegetarian so he takes his supplements without arguing. He understands that if this works then he won't have to take medication.
School gets out on Friday so we're starting to plan Xavier's summer. This summer Rob will be home, at least most of the time. Rob is trying to come up with a way to work from home so he can be around more and to do something that he loves. We don't know what will happen but it's a relief to have someone to watch over Xavier. Xavier can stay home by himself - he did it most of last summer but he spends his time snacking and watching tv because he can't really leave the house. We tried to set up some activities but without an adult to see he got to where he needed to go he ended up missing out. As I am writing this, Xavier is supposed to be coming up with a plan for his summer. I was going to enroll him in the library volunteer program but he swears he's too busy to do the library work. He wants to work on being more fit and to do cooking experiments with his Dad. He's, also, working towards his Eagle rank with the Scouts and has a few merit badges to work on. He may have an Eagle project in the works if he can put in the work to get the credit (it's designing and installing a flag pole in our apartment complex - his new scoutmaster is also the maintenance man for our complex). He has a lot of plans but I want him to come up with a way of completing the tasks he needs to. He has until the 25th to convince me that his plan is better than my plan (that's the last training for the library program). I think he'll have a good summer, I just don't want it wasted in front of the tv.

Update

There are some things I thought I should share so that they don't seem left in the void.
We recovered the money that Xavier took from his Papa and he returned it with a written apology.
Xavier went out on Saturday and worked hard for two hours to clean up all the glass from the broken windows. He was really well behaved about the whole thing. He worked out payment arrangements. His total for the damage was $80 and he will pay when he gets his first check of the month. He has agreed to write an apology.
We have been working hard to clean out all the non-Feingold approved foods. We were surprised at all the artificial ingredients in our food. Despite that, we didn't end up with empty cupboards. Most of what we buy is ingredients for recipes not complete products - like canned beans instead of canned soup. So there wasn't that much. We're offering the food to family members first because not everything can be donated and then we will donate what we can or find friends who can use them.
Xavier had no problem going to church on Sunday but did have to leave early because he didn't have the right stuff to participate (he needed a laptop and we didn't know). He was very good at keeping himself in check and recognizing when he needed a break. The Sacrament can be boring and he sat for as long as he could and then told me he needed to go out in the hall because he needed to be fidgety. I think this is an amazing improvement now if only we can get him to speak up with his teachers and get them on board with giving him fidget time. High School will be such a big change.
We went to the library and checked out about 5 books on children and anxiety. There is some really good information but the more I read the less I think anxiety is a problem for Xavier. I know he has this paralyzing fear of needles which we will work on desensiting but I don't see where the anxiety is really a problem. Xavier is very much a go with the flow kind of guy so that is way cool. I had to tell him how much I appreciated that quality this weekend because it's not a common trait for children with Autism or PDD.
He's still having some temper tantrums and lost his bathroom door for a couple of days because he locks himself in the bathroom to get away from us. This usually happens when we need to go somewhere he doesn't want to go or when he has to do a chore. I wanted him to lose his door as a consequence because I wanted him to see that 1. I was serious and 2. he needs a better coping mechanism.
Xavier has discovered he likes his room empty. He emptied everything out of his closet but his clothes and is working on building a nest. I am quite supportive of this little hide away so long as his shirts remain hanging. When he goes to his room, he's in his closet reading.
He doesn't seem too interested in getting his stuff back so we're going to give it a little more time and then have him decide if he really needs it all back. It would be nice to get rid of more clutter. We have no expectation of him giving up everything but he has never really been a toy playing kind of child. He loves his Legos and his books. The rest of the stuff just becomes a sort of mess that he likes to create.
School is almost out so we're in for a big change. We're working on limiting technology time so that he does other things. He's picked out a garden plot in the back of our complex and has been discussing what type of plants he wants to grow. He wanted to do an entire plot of watermelon but watermelon doesn't grow well in Eastern Washington. He's looking at strawberries and some herbs. We started some tomatoes, pumpkins and cucumbers in the house (possibly some others that I have forgotten). Last year our garden was such a flop between bad soil and worse weather. This year we have all new raised beds with new soil so that we can have a better foundation for the garden. I am trying to talk Xavier into some blueberries and rhubarb but I may just have to do that in my own plot.

Feingold Diet

Xavier is still progressing slowly. I know that my last post focused on the negative aspects of Xavier's behavior. It's easy to focus on the negative because that's the behavior that needs changing. There are a lot of good things about Xavier and I really hope I don't forget to share that with you. I appreciate all the kinds and supportive words I got (sorry Blogger is not allowing comments still but hopefully that will be fixed soon).
Xavier is excited to start the Feingold Diet. It's a chance for him to be more in control of his therapy and to avoid medication. He's been really supportive of this especially since tomatoes and cucumbers are on the avoid list.
Dr. Ben Feingold developed his diet in the 1950's and released his diet to the general public in the early 70's. He originally looked at salicylates (which I keep calling salactites) which is a naturally occurring chemical in certain foods and aspirin. From what I understand there was a theory that a build up of this chemical in the body caused medical symptoms. He started using a salicylate-free diet to treat his patients and noticed a side effect of the diet which reduced and eliminated behavior issues. Dr. Feingold, also, began doing research into certain artificial additives in our food and noticed that they were contributing to behavior issues and hyperactivity. Slowly, his Feingold Diet emerged from his research.
There are many things I like about this diet as a therapy. There is nearly 60 years of research supporting this diet that includes documented medical studies. There's nothing overly bizarre about the diet unlike some of the other therapy diet I have looked at. And the research done by the Feingold institute has gone on to be the supporting cause for certain chemicals being banned in our foods (more in Europe than the US).
There are two parts to the diet, one is a permanent change and the other is a temporary change. The diet asks that you eliminate salicylates (actually a specific list of salicylate foods) for 4-6 weeks and if then slowly re-introduce them. If the symptoms remain absent or reduced then you can continue to eat those foods. The permanent part of the diet is to remove all artificial food coloring, artificial flavors and 3 preservatives: BHT, BHA, TBHQ. The Feingold Institute offers an amazing amount of support and current research.
The salicylates to avoid are: almonds, apples, all berries, cherries, currants, grapes, nectarines, oranges, peaches, plums/prunes, tangerines, tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers (bell/chili), cloves, coffee, tea, and menthol. Of course, all medications with salicylates which includes aspirin and some stomach medicines. Medications are required to have salicylates warnings so they will be easy to avoid (and we don't use a lot of medicines to begin with).
We are slowly eliminating these foods from our diet with a target date of June 10th to completely be free (the first day of summer break). We will be able to re-introduce the salicylates at the end of July which coincides with most of those fruits and vegetables accessibility. We look forward to cherry/berry picking in late July so they will most likely be the first that we add back into the diet.
We're growing gardens this year with the hope of having some fresh produce to carry us through the remaining summer and into the fall. Xavier has asked to rent his own plot so he can grow melons. I think he will have to start looking for melon plants since I didn't start any (this week was the first time he mentioned growing melons).
You will notice that sugar is not a factor in the Feingold diet. Feingold's research has suggested that the sugar is not a culprit in hyperactivity but the artificial components that make up so much of the candy today.
We'll keep you posted to see how it goes.

Sent to prison

I may not win a mother of the year award but I have faith that I am doing what is in the best interest of my child. Recently, Xavier's behavior has been getting out of hand. I have had to do some serious soul searching to understand, not only what is happening but how to proceed. We've been discussing the Feingold diet and other therapy options but haven't gotten to that place where we have actually started to do anything. A few weeks ago, Xavier stole money from his grandfather. The bill was a 1930-something $10 which didn't look like normal money. We talked to our bank who had us turn the money over to the police in case it was counterfeit. Because of this, we had an interesting story to share with friends and family. The police called us to say it was real and we could have it back. Before we could pick it up, my father had realized it was his. That was the first sign that we needed to step up our parenting.
Xavier's counselor had suggested to my husband that it was time to put Xavier on medication. He'd been taken off all meds last summer so I wasn't ready to jump on that bandwagon again (more on that later). I started researching but the information is so overwhelming that I was struggling with coming up with a real plan (we're talking over the last two weeks so it's not been that long).
Come Saturday, we're at a retreat with the Scouts. Rob and I had to run an errand while the boys were working on a quick service project before starting all the fun. We come back and I watch the boys work their way through group problem solving activities. The leader pulls me aside to inform me that Xavier and another boy had broken out the windows of a canopy instead of working on the service project. Fortunately, someone had caught them before they got to too many of the windows. The canopy's owner is a therapist that works with high risk children so I was glad that we had someone who understood Xavier (and had worked with him in the past). However, I was stuck with this problem. Xavier could afford to pay his part of the damage but he wouldn't learn anything. It was too much to ask this man to come up with a punishment on top of the money. We talked with him about having Xavier work off part of what he owed but we wanted the owner to get a fair deal as well. He agreed to look at the damage and get back to us. Meanwhile, how do we, as parents, deal with this in a manner that will mean something to Xavier.
I came up with a solution. Xavier had a few consequences - one he was to go to church. For most people, going to church is not a consequence and wouldn't understand how this came to be. For us, we have never attended church as a family. I wanted to teach my son about God and give him exposure to as many religions as I could so that one day he could make an informed decision about his faith, instead he declared that he didn't believe in God and refused to listen to any one talk about faith. My husband has been mad at God for so long he hadn't been to a church since his youth. I opted to take them to the church of my childhood and the same church my father has returned to. I don't expect anyone to convert but I want a religious education for my son and a chance to meet other boys who at least pretend to have good morals during the church activities.
The second is we sentenced my son to "prison". After church he was sent to his grandfather's house for a last taste of freedom. During that time, I removed all his toys and things from his room. I left his clothes, bedding, a clock, a radio and all the stuff on his wall. I felt he needed things to negotiate with. After school, he goes to his "cell" until dinner and then returns to his cell. He can check out books from the "library" but only one at a time. He can earn family tv time but most of his time should be spent in his room. He has earned back 1 stuffed animal and can exchange it for others if he's good. The goal is to reward his good behavior with the return of his privileges.
We, also, began an herbal regimin that we had been doing before. He takes 2 lobelia and 1 melatonin each night with supervision.
I have noticed something in the short time we've been doing this. He goes to bed much easier and seems to sleep better. We've started using his alarm clock and he's able to get himself up in the morning. This morning he got up before the clock went off. Before we were fighting with him to stay in bed at night and then fighting with him to get up (he was also getting up in the night to watch tv).
I look forward to seeing how this plays out. Meanwhile we are starting to prepare our house for a switch to the Feingold Diet (more on that later as well).
Check out his cell:

Welcome

This is the story of a 14 year old boy diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (on the Autism spectrum) and how we (his parents) are trying a new (to us) approach to his life. We've had a lot of tragedy and heartbreak and changes. Suddenly we have a teenage boy who has no consistent therapy and it shows. We don't want to put him on medication at this moment so we are going to exhaust all the alternative therapies we can and see where it takes us. This fall, Xavier starts high school. It is our goal to start the year with Xavier in the best shape possible - with focus, control and commitment. I welcome feedback as I take on this challenge. I will promise you that I will do things and probably say things that you don't agree with - that's okay. I am raising my child and you are raising yours.