Rebuttal - of sorts

I got to thinking about my post yesterday and had really wanted to add things to it. The post was already getting long and I like to keep them on the short side. I don't want to give the impression that we aren't good parents or that Xavier is completely incapable. That just is not true. We are caring parents with a wonderful boy but we have problems just outside of the norm.
Xavier is highly intelligent and has always been one to decide when he developed a certain skill. At three months, he decided he didn't like breastfeeding and wanted a bottle. At a year, he gave up the bottle for a cup. Both situations were instant - once he was done he was done. However, he had a pacifier until he was six. He was good about not taking it to school but he needed that comfort. Potty training was a completly different story - he did not want to potty train. Even in kindergarten he was having problems until we stopped allowing him to come home after an accident. His caregiver had been bringing him home to clean him up and since class was only a half day it never made sense to take him back. One day, she decided to clean him up at school and send him back to class. That took care of that problem but we still had to put him on a bathroom schedule to prevent accidents at home. It didn't bother him to be wet and going to the bathroom would interrupt his play. The schedule lasted a couple years until he got tired of the constant interruptions (and I think he matured just enough to figure it all out).
As for life skills, Xavier has been self sufficient in the kitchen since he was 2. This may seem like a really young age but I needed him to be able to be a little self sufficient since he was not much of a sleeper. He did fine on 3-4 hours a sleep at night, I was exhausted. By teaching him to fix his own breakfast and snacks I would get an extra hour or two sleep in the morning. At this age he was also very good at turning on the tv and finding ways to entertain himself. We had to have chain locks on the doors to prevent him from going outside but it worked.
At about age 10 Xavier started getting the bug to create his own recipes. He had been cooking and baking for ages by this time. He and I developed some recipes together and now he does a competative Dutch Oven cooking event every year. Last year he designed one of the recipes on his own. We're going to play with it a little for an upcoming Betty Crocker competition.
Xavier does his own laundry and cleans his bathroom. Not well and not without guidance (mostly just reminders to do the work). He can wash dishes, load and unload a dishwasher so he's got a lot of skills for living on his own.
I was really proud of his ability to be aware of the world. Every morning he sits and watches Good Morning America with his Dad and I. Xavier likes to discuss the show and often records it when he sees things he wants to know more about but has to go to school. He had some pretty strong feelings about this last presidential election that were totally different from his Dad and I's. If he could have voted he would have voted for someone different from us, it was a little weird and we weren't sure of his reasons but it was nice to see he was thinking it through.
He's very supportive of charities and has a strong sense of injustice - he was totally crushed when we found out that the guy from Stones for Schools was a fraud because it was a charity program Xavier supported whole-heartedly.
I think a good description of Xavier's charity work would make for a great post in the near future.
Xavier's biggest problem is his focus. He can be very focused to the point of obsession or he barely focuses at all. I think the trick is to learn how to make this work for him.

Raising Respectful Children (pt 1)

I'm currently reading Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby. The book was given to me a few years ago as a gift. It's not a bad book but the author does have a tendency to get overly religious and preachy in spots. I'm nearly done with chapter 3 and have already found some really useful bits.
In chapter 3, the author talks about the different ages/stages and how a parent should "lead" during those stages. She, also, talks about different questions children are seeking out during those stages. I like this bit.
I want to share some of the things she says.

Ways to discipline with love:
Speak in a firm voice without sarcasm
Say to your child "I love you too much to allow you to..."
Don't berate your child, but correct the misdeed
Don't lose your temper
Turn a negative situation into a positive situation

What should authenticity look like:
Be the same on the inside as you appear on the outside
Don't say one thing and do another
Be honest in your business dealings
Don't show hypocrisy

Connecting with your teen:
1. Allow your child to experience consequences of poor choices.
2. Allow mistakes to mold character.
3. Ask thought-provoking questions.

Helping your teen succeed at being in charge of their life:
1. Put teens in charge of developing their own talents.
2. If you haven't given cooking lessons yet, this is the time to start.
3. Ask your teen's opinion on current events.
4. Encourage decision making.
5. When mistakes are made, don't rescue your teen; instead, help them resolve the problem.
6. Help teens develop goals and develop a method to accomplish those goals; then step back and watch.
7. Wait to be asked your opinion.

I have a problem being a very hands on parent that I forget to step back and let Xavier take the initiative. It's a tough balancing act with him because if we completely step back then he's not able to fully step up. I am learning to teach him how to self regulate but then I'm still working on that with my husband (apparently I have taken on way too much responsibility with them and they forgot how to do it).
I think it's a problem with mom's in general. We have a tendency to be efficient and then take over everything without thinking about the consequences. My mom was one who always cut our meat. It wasn't because she didn't think we could cut our own but it was her way of making sure everyone got a fair share of the meat. When I was an adult, I didn't know how to cut my meat and the first dinner date I made I cut the meat in the kitchen (poorly) and brought the plates out. That was how it was growing up. We eventually all learned how to cut our steaks in public with no embarrassment but it's just a reminder of all those little things we learn growing up.