Xavier has done his two days at the challenge course for this month. He is loving it. His friend Mariah is also doing the challenge course so he has someone to buddy around with.
I rather like Mariah. We've known her most of her life so it's really nice for Xavier to have a friend like that. She's a year younger than Xavier so they will not be in school together next year and they are both sad.
According to Xavier, the challenge course was easy. I should probably ask Anna how he does. Xavier has a tendency to step away from the hard problem solving especially in a group setting. On his own, Xavier is always thinking about creative ways to do things. He's big on finding random objects for "projects". Most of the time he likes to take things apart and figure out how they work and go together. He's got some interesting imagination - he can connect with stuffed animals and action figures but not create things that are not there.
I know that at the Scout Challenge Course Xavier often wanted to hold back and not really participate. I think some of that has to do with his inability to really connect with the boys in that troop - we'll see how things go this fall with the new troop.
So many little things going on. I will try to remember to share all the things. I am going to start teaching Xavier to do "tapping" which is a therapy that has the person invision positive thinking while tapping on particular body parts. Rob and I took a class years ago and I recently found a book about it at the library.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
So little time...
It's been a crazy couple of weeks in the Thompson house.
Over the weekend of June 18-19, Rob and I helped my mother move from her house to an apartment in Pullman. It was not a well put together move and there is still so much to do. We did get most of the furnishings moved and most of the stuff in the house packed. Xavier spent the weekend with his Papa killing zombies. We were quite tired and so stressed with the move that we barely got any time with Xavier that weekend. He didn't mind.
Monday, June 20th, we got a call. My mother was in the hospital. She had had chest pains that went away when she took her nitroglycerin. I spent the morning in the hospital with her while Rob was home with Xavier. Xavier wasn't worried so I should have known she was alright. The doctor's couldn't find any evidence of heart damage and she was sent home at about 3. The doctor suspected the move stressed her system - she wasn't eating like she should and not taking her pills because everything was still packed.
We helped her unpack and find her medications so she could recover. My mother now lives in the complex next to us for the next month while she gets into more permanent housing. It's really nice having her in town. Xavier likes that he can walk to her house. It looks like she's going to move not very far from my dad so Xavier will have both of them close.
Tuesday, the CFI social worker came to our house to fill out paperwork. She was very nice but Xavier didn't really want to talk to her. He spent a lot of time trying to hide in the cushions of the couch.
Later we went to the doctor to talk about his medication. Xavier was still not feeling chatty about his therapy needs. He did want to talk about the large map on the wall with the pushpins (the pushpins represent places patients have come from).
The doctor is keeping Xavier on the .5 mg dosage and we'll wait and see what happens.
We're supposed to meet with the CFI therapist soon. In the meantime, Xavier is spending today and tomorrow with Anna at a challenge course. The program runs 2 days a month through the summer with an extra "fun" outing. In the past, they have gone rafting but this year they may go to a waterpark.
Xavier is swimming every chance he can get. He loves being at the pool. It's been rather cold here off and on so some days he's outside and some days he's inside, depending on which pool is open.
This past weekend, we had family time at home. Saturday we cleaned house and Sunday we planted the garden. We put Blueberries and herbs in Xavier's plot and tomatoes, peppers and watermelon in the other plot. I felt it was better to put plants that we will keep next year in one plot. We are on the lookout for sweet banana peppers, pickling cucumbers and strawberries to fill out the gardens. They aren't pretty but I will take pictures to share.
Over the weekend of June 18-19, Rob and I helped my mother move from her house to an apartment in Pullman. It was not a well put together move and there is still so much to do. We did get most of the furnishings moved and most of the stuff in the house packed. Xavier spent the weekend with his Papa killing zombies. We were quite tired and so stressed with the move that we barely got any time with Xavier that weekend. He didn't mind.
Monday, June 20th, we got a call. My mother was in the hospital. She had had chest pains that went away when she took her nitroglycerin. I spent the morning in the hospital with her while Rob was home with Xavier. Xavier wasn't worried so I should have known she was alright. The doctor's couldn't find any evidence of heart damage and she was sent home at about 3. The doctor suspected the move stressed her system - she wasn't eating like she should and not taking her pills because everything was still packed.
We helped her unpack and find her medications so she could recover. My mother now lives in the complex next to us for the next month while she gets into more permanent housing. It's really nice having her in town. Xavier likes that he can walk to her house. It looks like she's going to move not very far from my dad so Xavier will have both of them close.
Tuesday, the CFI social worker came to our house to fill out paperwork. She was very nice but Xavier didn't really want to talk to her. He spent a lot of time trying to hide in the cushions of the couch.
Later we went to the doctor to talk about his medication. Xavier was still not feeling chatty about his therapy needs. He did want to talk about the large map on the wall with the pushpins (the pushpins represent places patients have come from).
The doctor is keeping Xavier on the .5 mg dosage and we'll wait and see what happens.
We're supposed to meet with the CFI therapist soon. In the meantime, Xavier is spending today and tomorrow with Anna at a challenge course. The program runs 2 days a month through the summer with an extra "fun" outing. In the past, they have gone rafting but this year they may go to a waterpark.
Xavier is swimming every chance he can get. He loves being at the pool. It's been rather cold here off and on so some days he's outside and some days he's inside, depending on which pool is open.
This past weekend, we had family time at home. Saturday we cleaned house and Sunday we planted the garden. We put Blueberries and herbs in Xavier's plot and tomatoes, peppers and watermelon in the other plot. I felt it was better to put plants that we will keep next year in one plot. We are on the lookout for sweet banana peppers, pickling cucumbers and strawberries to fill out the gardens. They aren't pretty but I will take pictures to share.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Back to the Doctor
Xavier will have to go back to the doctor. He's not really excited about this but right now we have great medical coverage so I'd rather get it all done while we can.
He did go to the dentist last week - I believe I forgot to mention that. Xavier has great teeth genetics so no cavities yet. The dentist doesn't think he will get cavities since there haven't been any and no sign that he will need braces. Xavier has one tooth out of line but the rest are perfect. There's no need to correct that one tooth and Xavier likes it just the way it is. The bad thing is Xavier is not really good at brushing his teeth. We have given him more control over his hygiene instead of standing over him while he gets ready but we may have to be more hands-on. I don't know what it is about teeth brushing that Xavier doesn't like but he really doesn't want to do it. We've switched him to Toms of Maine which is not a bad toothpaste. I hope that a more natural toothpaste might appeal more to him. Since the dentist is sure there won't be cavities there's no more threat of fillings to convince him to brush. (Ideas would be greatly appreciated).
Next Tuesday he goes back to Dr Hall to talk about the medication. I just don't feel comfortable not making the appointment after getting the medicine in an emergency.
I talked with Anna, X's therapist, yesterday. She has recommended that we try CFI which is a different sort of therapy that is done in home with the whole family. I like this idea because it gets us all on the same page and someone who really knows what they are talking about creating a plan instead of Rob and I trying to piece together our own therapy program. She said we should put any schooling plans on hold and talk with the school in the fall. She works closely with Xavier's school but it seems that we need a better person in charge. Xavier did have multiple members on his team but no real leader so not all the information was being shared across the board. There were issues that Rob and I were working on with the school that Anna didn't know existed and vice versa. Unfortunately we can't do anything about it now but we can learn to be more communicative. We didn't really talk much to Anna this year and I think it harmed Xavier's ability to get help. We'll have to make sure we touch base with Anna on a regular basis.
Meanwhile Xavier will work with Anna in a group setting a few times this summer doing challenge courses and some sort of trip. He hadn't worked with Anna last summer because he was doing so well so he's excited to return to the program. In the years past they have gone on an all day rafting trip but they may do something different this year.
We meet with the CFI coordinator on Tuesday as well. We're excited to get this ball rolling.
Xavier will have his first trip with Anna on the 27th and he's already excited.
We had a rough start to the summer but I think we're still on task with trying to find a good therapy that works for Xavier and will help him be successful in high school. I did talk with Anna about Xavier going through "the change" and how we will have to monitor that while we are working on his PDD/ADHD issues. Puberty is tough for anyone but add that to a mix of other issues and this is going to be one bumpy ride.
He did go to the dentist last week - I believe I forgot to mention that. Xavier has great teeth genetics so no cavities yet. The dentist doesn't think he will get cavities since there haven't been any and no sign that he will need braces. Xavier has one tooth out of line but the rest are perfect. There's no need to correct that one tooth and Xavier likes it just the way it is. The bad thing is Xavier is not really good at brushing his teeth. We have given him more control over his hygiene instead of standing over him while he gets ready but we may have to be more hands-on. I don't know what it is about teeth brushing that Xavier doesn't like but he really doesn't want to do it. We've switched him to Toms of Maine which is not a bad toothpaste. I hope that a more natural toothpaste might appeal more to him. Since the dentist is sure there won't be cavities there's no more threat of fillings to convince him to brush. (Ideas would be greatly appreciated).
Next Tuesday he goes back to Dr Hall to talk about the medication. I just don't feel comfortable not making the appointment after getting the medicine in an emergency.
I talked with Anna, X's therapist, yesterday. She has recommended that we try CFI which is a different sort of therapy that is done in home with the whole family. I like this idea because it gets us all on the same page and someone who really knows what they are talking about creating a plan instead of Rob and I trying to piece together our own therapy program. She said we should put any schooling plans on hold and talk with the school in the fall. She works closely with Xavier's school but it seems that we need a better person in charge. Xavier did have multiple members on his team but no real leader so not all the information was being shared across the board. There were issues that Rob and I were working on with the school that Anna didn't know existed and vice versa. Unfortunately we can't do anything about it now but we can learn to be more communicative. We didn't really talk much to Anna this year and I think it harmed Xavier's ability to get help. We'll have to make sure we touch base with Anna on a regular basis.
Meanwhile Xavier will work with Anna in a group setting a few times this summer doing challenge courses and some sort of trip. He hadn't worked with Anna last summer because he was doing so well so he's excited to return to the program. In the years past they have gone on an all day rafting trip but they may do something different this year.
We meet with the CFI coordinator on Tuesday as well. We're excited to get this ball rolling.
Xavier will have his first trip with Anna on the 27th and he's already excited.
We had a rough start to the summer but I think we're still on task with trying to find a good therapy that works for Xavier and will help him be successful in high school. I did talk with Anna about Xavier going through "the change" and how we will have to monitor that while we are working on his PDD/ADHD issues. Puberty is tough for anyone but add that to a mix of other issues and this is going to be one bumpy ride.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Rage
When Xavier was about nine years old, he began to have these episodes where he was absolutely uncontrollable. At first, it was easy to mistake them for temper tantrums but soon we noticed that it was something more. One afternoon while I was alone with him, he threatened to kill me. There was something really cold in the way he said it. I was able to pretend that it didn't bother me but it did. I was suddenly afraid of my child. It was at that time we realized that Xavier needed medication.
Years pass and last year, at this time, Xavier's doctor had us wean him off his medication. I didn't really understand why but I was all for it. I am not exactly anti-medication but I always feel there is a better way to treat behavior than with a pill.
For the last month, Xavier's temper tantrums have been getting worse. We're learning that Xavier is not functioning without medication. He really doesn't want to be medicated and we want to be better parents. To be honest, I was sure we were doing something wrong when Xavier has these tantrums. And maybe we are but something more is going on.
Last night, Xavier refused to use his table manners at dinner. At 14 there is no excuse not to display some ettiquette while eating. We decided that he needed a time out to think about what sort of behavior he needed to have at dinner. His behavior went beyond a simple tantrum and into uncontrollable violence. I am sure there were better ways to handle the situation but Rob and I didn't know that it was something more at the time. We tried to send him to his room but he refused to stay. He hit his father with the intent to really hurt him while Rob was trying to get him to just take a time out. He threw things but it wasn't until he grabbed me around the neck that I realized that something more was going on. Xavier was out of control.
We started with calling his therapist but no one could really help us. The woman on the phone said if it got too bad, we should call the police. I don't want to be that parent - the one who calls the police on their child. I can't help it but I don't want the neighbors to know how out of control he is and I just don't see that as a real solution to the problem. We were able to get a doctor from the medical practice to write a prescription for risperidone. It was one of the medications Xavier was on last year.
Poor Xavier, he was starting to come down from his episode at this time and was making promises to work harder on the Feingold diet. He had had some apple juice and was sure that it was what happened since apples are not allowed during stage one of the diet. He was afraid to be touched because he didn't want to hurt us. He was sweating profusely. I knew in my heart that this was something more than just behavior. Xavier is not a bad kid. He's not a violent person.
We are putting him back on the risperidone at a tiny dosage. Even when he was on it before the doctor kept commenting what a small dosage he needed. If we can help him with this little pill then it's worth it. We'll try helping him with other therapies still.
Rob is supposed to make an appointment with Xavier's doctor and we will call for intervention services to see if there is more we can do. We've got a long summer ahead of us but the goal is to make high school successful so I am willing to do this all now.
Years pass and last year, at this time, Xavier's doctor had us wean him off his medication. I didn't really understand why but I was all for it. I am not exactly anti-medication but I always feel there is a better way to treat behavior than with a pill.
For the last month, Xavier's temper tantrums have been getting worse. We're learning that Xavier is not functioning without medication. He really doesn't want to be medicated and we want to be better parents. To be honest, I was sure we were doing something wrong when Xavier has these tantrums. And maybe we are but something more is going on.
Last night, Xavier refused to use his table manners at dinner. At 14 there is no excuse not to display some ettiquette while eating. We decided that he needed a time out to think about what sort of behavior he needed to have at dinner. His behavior went beyond a simple tantrum and into uncontrollable violence. I am sure there were better ways to handle the situation but Rob and I didn't know that it was something more at the time. We tried to send him to his room but he refused to stay. He hit his father with the intent to really hurt him while Rob was trying to get him to just take a time out. He threw things but it wasn't until he grabbed me around the neck that I realized that something more was going on. Xavier was out of control.
We started with calling his therapist but no one could really help us. The woman on the phone said if it got too bad, we should call the police. I don't want to be that parent - the one who calls the police on their child. I can't help it but I don't want the neighbors to know how out of control he is and I just don't see that as a real solution to the problem. We were able to get a doctor from the medical practice to write a prescription for risperidone. It was one of the medications Xavier was on last year.
Poor Xavier, he was starting to come down from his episode at this time and was making promises to work harder on the Feingold diet. He had had some apple juice and was sure that it was what happened since apples are not allowed during stage one of the diet. He was afraid to be touched because he didn't want to hurt us. He was sweating profusely. I knew in my heart that this was something more than just behavior. Xavier is not a bad kid. He's not a violent person.
We are putting him back on the risperidone at a tiny dosage. Even when he was on it before the doctor kept commenting what a small dosage he needed. If we can help him with this little pill then it's worth it. We'll try helping him with other therapies still.
Rob is supposed to make an appointment with Xavier's doctor and we will call for intervention services to see if there is more we can do. We've got a long summer ahead of us but the goal is to make high school successful so I am willing to do this all now.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
School's Out
Xavier had his last day of middle school on Friday. He's excited for high school but I have to wait for his math grades to arrive to see what we're doing for the summer. The schools here do not offer a summer school option so it will be a home school math class. My goal is to get him into the next level of math for his freshman year of school.
My dad suggested a math learning disability called Dyscalculia. We've looked at his test scores and they aren't bad - he stays in the acceptable range but his class performance has steadily decreased over the last 3 years with his final semester at 43%. This means something is happening in the classroom that makes math difficult for him. He has hopes that he aced his math final because it will bump him up to a passable grade but it doesn't solve the problem. He's had 2 different teachers so it's not the teachers or the teaching style since we addressed that last year.
He doesn't like the math classes but he's capable.
One solution I have come up with is the home schooling programs. Legally they should meet the requirements of his math classes and allow him to choose something else to fill that time slot in school. Because he has a special education class, he loses one of his electives. By home schooling math he could have an elective back. The problem is getting Xavier to co-operate. I don't mind arguing with the school or fighting for his right to be home schooled in math - it's getting Xavier on board with doing math at home.
Back to the Dyscalculia. One of the major symptoms of the disability is the inability to recognize groups of items and their numbers. Meaning that normally a person can tell there are 3 apples on the table without counting them, a person with Dyscalculia can not. We quizzed Xavier and he didn't have a problem. In fact he was very exact with his answers. We wanted something more ballpark and he gave us exact.
In testing him, I remembered that when he was little he loved to do math in the car while on trips. I would give him simple math problems and he would try to answer them as fast as he could. So his basic math skills are fine but that Algebra is kicking his butt.
Aside from math, Xavier has quite a few plans for the summer. If the weather ever improves there will be lots of swimming. Today got a little nice but not nearly warm enough for the outdoor pool. We'll take him to the indoor pool this evening while Rob and I go to the gym.
Xavier hopes to finish his requirements for his Eagle Scout rank. He zoomed through all the requirements to get to Life and then stalled on Eagle. The biggest part of the Eagle rank is a project. Xavier had a great project in mind but it was far larger than he could really manage (and kept getting bigger). His new scoutmaster has an easy project for him and if it all works out he will have it done by the 4th of July.
Xavier isn't really interested in doing the reading program at the library but we've come up with our own reading program for the summer. Xavier picked out 12 books that we own that have been made into movies. We both will read the books and then we will watch the movie. They are a mix of middle grade and young adult books. I have a list of them on my reading blog.
Rob is home with Xavier this summer so they have lots of cooking plans. Rob is working on a cookbook and helping out with a recipe website so there should be lots of experimenting going on in the house. Maybe we'll talk Xavier into making his own cookbook for Christmas gifts.
My dad suggested a math learning disability called Dyscalculia. We've looked at his test scores and they aren't bad - he stays in the acceptable range but his class performance has steadily decreased over the last 3 years with his final semester at 43%. This means something is happening in the classroom that makes math difficult for him. He has hopes that he aced his math final because it will bump him up to a passable grade but it doesn't solve the problem. He's had 2 different teachers so it's not the teachers or the teaching style since we addressed that last year.
He doesn't like the math classes but he's capable.
One solution I have come up with is the home schooling programs. Legally they should meet the requirements of his math classes and allow him to choose something else to fill that time slot in school. Because he has a special education class, he loses one of his electives. By home schooling math he could have an elective back. The problem is getting Xavier to co-operate. I don't mind arguing with the school or fighting for his right to be home schooled in math - it's getting Xavier on board with doing math at home.
Back to the Dyscalculia. One of the major symptoms of the disability is the inability to recognize groups of items and their numbers. Meaning that normally a person can tell there are 3 apples on the table without counting them, a person with Dyscalculia can not. We quizzed Xavier and he didn't have a problem. In fact he was very exact with his answers. We wanted something more ballpark and he gave us exact.
In testing him, I remembered that when he was little he loved to do math in the car while on trips. I would give him simple math problems and he would try to answer them as fast as he could. So his basic math skills are fine but that Algebra is kicking his butt.
Aside from math, Xavier has quite a few plans for the summer. If the weather ever improves there will be lots of swimming. Today got a little nice but not nearly warm enough for the outdoor pool. We'll take him to the indoor pool this evening while Rob and I go to the gym.
Xavier hopes to finish his requirements for his Eagle Scout rank. He zoomed through all the requirements to get to Life and then stalled on Eagle. The biggest part of the Eagle rank is a project. Xavier had a great project in mind but it was far larger than he could really manage (and kept getting bigger). His new scoutmaster has an easy project for him and if it all works out he will have it done by the 4th of July.
Xavier isn't really interested in doing the reading program at the library but we've come up with our own reading program for the summer. Xavier picked out 12 books that we own that have been made into movies. We both will read the books and then we will watch the movie. They are a mix of middle grade and young adult books. I have a list of them on my reading blog.
Rob is home with Xavier this summer so they have lots of cooking plans. Rob is working on a cookbook and helping out with a recipe website so there should be lots of experimenting going on in the house. Maybe we'll talk Xavier into making his own cookbook for Christmas gifts.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Visit with the doctor and summer planning
We took Xavier to the doctor on Monday to talk about treatment options and to see if the doctor would be supportive of alternate therapies. The doctor had a med student shadowing him so it was a packed house. Xavier was really cool with the med student and they talked about how she was a UW student (we are a WSU family). I have to say I really like Xavier's new doctor. He listened to all our plans and took notes so he could do some research on the therapies we wanted to look into. He's willing to talk with Xavier's Neurologist to get medication information. Xavier would really like to avoid medications. We have put him on a slew of supplements - multi-vitamin/mineral, lobelia, melatonin, probiotics and an omega blend. He was worried that the omega blend would have fish oils but it turned out to be all vegetarian so he takes his supplements without arguing. He understands that if this works then he won't have to take medication.
School gets out on Friday so we're starting to plan Xavier's summer. This summer Rob will be home, at least most of the time. Rob is trying to come up with a way to work from home so he can be around more and to do something that he loves. We don't know what will happen but it's a relief to have someone to watch over Xavier. Xavier can stay home by himself - he did it most of last summer but he spends his time snacking and watching tv because he can't really leave the house. We tried to set up some activities but without an adult to see he got to where he needed to go he ended up missing out. As I am writing this, Xavier is supposed to be coming up with a plan for his summer. I was going to enroll him in the library volunteer program but he swears he's too busy to do the library work. He wants to work on being more fit and to do cooking experiments with his Dad. He's, also, working towards his Eagle rank with the Scouts and has a few merit badges to work on. He may have an Eagle project in the works if he can put in the work to get the credit (it's designing and installing a flag pole in our apartment complex - his new scoutmaster is also the maintenance man for our complex). He has a lot of plans but I want him to come up with a way of completing the tasks he needs to. He has until the 25th to convince me that his plan is better than my plan (that's the last training for the library program). I think he'll have a good summer, I just don't want it wasted in front of the tv.
School gets out on Friday so we're starting to plan Xavier's summer. This summer Rob will be home, at least most of the time. Rob is trying to come up with a way to work from home so he can be around more and to do something that he loves. We don't know what will happen but it's a relief to have someone to watch over Xavier. Xavier can stay home by himself - he did it most of last summer but he spends his time snacking and watching tv because he can't really leave the house. We tried to set up some activities but without an adult to see he got to where he needed to go he ended up missing out. As I am writing this, Xavier is supposed to be coming up with a plan for his summer. I was going to enroll him in the library volunteer program but he swears he's too busy to do the library work. He wants to work on being more fit and to do cooking experiments with his Dad. He's, also, working towards his Eagle rank with the Scouts and has a few merit badges to work on. He may have an Eagle project in the works if he can put in the work to get the credit (it's designing and installing a flag pole in our apartment complex - his new scoutmaster is also the maintenance man for our complex). He has a lot of plans but I want him to come up with a way of completing the tasks he needs to. He has until the 25th to convince me that his plan is better than my plan (that's the last training for the library program). I think he'll have a good summer, I just don't want it wasted in front of the tv.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Rebuttal - of sorts
I got to thinking about my post yesterday and had really wanted to add things to it. The post was already getting long and I like to keep them on the short side. I don't want to give the impression that we aren't good parents or that Xavier is completely incapable. That just is not true. We are caring parents with a wonderful boy but we have problems just outside of the norm.
Xavier is highly intelligent and has always been one to decide when he developed a certain skill. At three months, he decided he didn't like breastfeeding and wanted a bottle. At a year, he gave up the bottle for a cup. Both situations were instant - once he was done he was done. However, he had a pacifier until he was six. He was good about not taking it to school but he needed that comfort. Potty training was a completly different story - he did not want to potty train. Even in kindergarten he was having problems until we stopped allowing him to come home after an accident. His caregiver had been bringing him home to clean him up and since class was only a half day it never made sense to take him back. One day, she decided to clean him up at school and send him back to class. That took care of that problem but we still had to put him on a bathroom schedule to prevent accidents at home. It didn't bother him to be wet and going to the bathroom would interrupt his play. The schedule lasted a couple years until he got tired of the constant interruptions (and I think he matured just enough to figure it all out).
As for life skills, Xavier has been self sufficient in the kitchen since he was 2. This may seem like a really young age but I needed him to be able to be a little self sufficient since he was not much of a sleeper. He did fine on 3-4 hours a sleep at night, I was exhausted. By teaching him to fix his own breakfast and snacks I would get an extra hour or two sleep in the morning. At this age he was also very good at turning on the tv and finding ways to entertain himself. We had to have chain locks on the doors to prevent him from going outside but it worked.
At about age 10 Xavier started getting the bug to create his own recipes. He had been cooking and baking for ages by this time. He and I developed some recipes together and now he does a competative Dutch Oven cooking event every year. Last year he designed one of the recipes on his own. We're going to play with it a little for an upcoming Betty Crocker competition.
Xavier does his own laundry and cleans his bathroom. Not well and not without guidance (mostly just reminders to do the work). He can wash dishes, load and unload a dishwasher so he's got a lot of skills for living on his own.
I was really proud of his ability to be aware of the world. Every morning he sits and watches Good Morning America with his Dad and I. Xavier likes to discuss the show and often records it when he sees things he wants to know more about but has to go to school. He had some pretty strong feelings about this last presidential election that were totally different from his Dad and I's. If he could have voted he would have voted for someone different from us, it was a little weird and we weren't sure of his reasons but it was nice to see he was thinking it through.
He's very supportive of charities and has a strong sense of injustice - he was totally crushed when we found out that the guy from Stones for Schools was a fraud because it was a charity program Xavier supported whole-heartedly.
I think a good description of Xavier's charity work would make for a great post in the near future.
Xavier's biggest problem is his focus. He can be very focused to the point of obsession or he barely focuses at all. I think the trick is to learn how to make this work for him.
Xavier is highly intelligent and has always been one to decide when he developed a certain skill. At three months, he decided he didn't like breastfeeding and wanted a bottle. At a year, he gave up the bottle for a cup. Both situations were instant - once he was done he was done. However, he had a pacifier until he was six. He was good about not taking it to school but he needed that comfort. Potty training was a completly different story - he did not want to potty train. Even in kindergarten he was having problems until we stopped allowing him to come home after an accident. His caregiver had been bringing him home to clean him up and since class was only a half day it never made sense to take him back. One day, she decided to clean him up at school and send him back to class. That took care of that problem but we still had to put him on a bathroom schedule to prevent accidents at home. It didn't bother him to be wet and going to the bathroom would interrupt his play. The schedule lasted a couple years until he got tired of the constant interruptions (and I think he matured just enough to figure it all out).
As for life skills, Xavier has been self sufficient in the kitchen since he was 2. This may seem like a really young age but I needed him to be able to be a little self sufficient since he was not much of a sleeper. He did fine on 3-4 hours a sleep at night, I was exhausted. By teaching him to fix his own breakfast and snacks I would get an extra hour or two sleep in the morning. At this age he was also very good at turning on the tv and finding ways to entertain himself. We had to have chain locks on the doors to prevent him from going outside but it worked.
At about age 10 Xavier started getting the bug to create his own recipes. He had been cooking and baking for ages by this time. He and I developed some recipes together and now he does a competative Dutch Oven cooking event every year. Last year he designed one of the recipes on his own. We're going to play with it a little for an upcoming Betty Crocker competition.
Xavier does his own laundry and cleans his bathroom. Not well and not without guidance (mostly just reminders to do the work). He can wash dishes, load and unload a dishwasher so he's got a lot of skills for living on his own.
I was really proud of his ability to be aware of the world. Every morning he sits and watches Good Morning America with his Dad and I. Xavier likes to discuss the show and often records it when he sees things he wants to know more about but has to go to school. He had some pretty strong feelings about this last presidential election that were totally different from his Dad and I's. If he could have voted he would have voted for someone different from us, it was a little weird and we weren't sure of his reasons but it was nice to see he was thinking it through.
He's very supportive of charities and has a strong sense of injustice - he was totally crushed when we found out that the guy from Stones for Schools was a fraud because it was a charity program Xavier supported whole-heartedly.
I think a good description of Xavier's charity work would make for a great post in the near future.
Xavier's biggest problem is his focus. He can be very focused to the point of obsession or he barely focuses at all. I think the trick is to learn how to make this work for him.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Raising Respectful Children (pt 1)
I'm currently reading Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby. The book was given to me a few years ago as a gift. It's not a bad book but the author does have a tendency to get overly religious and preachy in spots. I'm nearly done with chapter 3 and have already found some really useful bits.
In chapter 3, the author talks about the different ages/stages and how a parent should "lead" during those stages. She, also, talks about different questions children are seeking out during those stages. I like this bit.
I want to share some of the things she says.
Ways to discipline with love:
Speak in a firm voice without sarcasm
Say to your child "I love you too much to allow you to..."
Don't berate your child, but correct the misdeed
Don't lose your temper
Turn a negative situation into a positive situation
What should authenticity look like:
Be the same on the inside as you appear on the outside
Don't say one thing and do another
Be honest in your business dealings
Don't show hypocrisy
Connecting with your teen:
1. Allow your child to experience consequences of poor choices.
2. Allow mistakes to mold character.
3. Ask thought-provoking questions.
Helping your teen succeed at being in charge of their life:
1. Put teens in charge of developing their own talents.
2. If you haven't given cooking lessons yet, this is the time to start.
3. Ask your teen's opinion on current events.
4. Encourage decision making.
5. When mistakes are made, don't rescue your teen; instead, help them resolve the problem.
6. Help teens develop goals and develop a method to accomplish those goals; then step back and watch.
7. Wait to be asked your opinion.
I have a problem being a very hands on parent that I forget to step back and let Xavier take the initiative. It's a tough balancing act with him because if we completely step back then he's not able to fully step up. I am learning to teach him how to self regulate but then I'm still working on that with my husband (apparently I have taken on way too much responsibility with them and they forgot how to do it).
I think it's a problem with mom's in general. We have a tendency to be efficient and then take over everything without thinking about the consequences. My mom was one who always cut our meat. It wasn't because she didn't think we could cut our own but it was her way of making sure everyone got a fair share of the meat. When I was an adult, I didn't know how to cut my meat and the first dinner date I made I cut the meat in the kitchen (poorly) and brought the plates out. That was how it was growing up. We eventually all learned how to cut our steaks in public with no embarrassment but it's just a reminder of all those little things we learn growing up.
In chapter 3, the author talks about the different ages/stages and how a parent should "lead" during those stages. She, also, talks about different questions children are seeking out during those stages. I like this bit.
I want to share some of the things she says.
Ways to discipline with love:
Speak in a firm voice without sarcasm
Say to your child "I love you too much to allow you to..."
Don't berate your child, but correct the misdeed
Don't lose your temper
Turn a negative situation into a positive situation
What should authenticity look like:
Be the same on the inside as you appear on the outside
Don't say one thing and do another
Be honest in your business dealings
Don't show hypocrisy
Connecting with your teen:
1. Allow your child to experience consequences of poor choices.
2. Allow mistakes to mold character.
3. Ask thought-provoking questions.
Helping your teen succeed at being in charge of their life:
1. Put teens in charge of developing their own talents.
2. If you haven't given cooking lessons yet, this is the time to start.
3. Ask your teen's opinion on current events.
4. Encourage decision making.
5. When mistakes are made, don't rescue your teen; instead, help them resolve the problem.
6. Help teens develop goals and develop a method to accomplish those goals; then step back and watch.
7. Wait to be asked your opinion.
I have a problem being a very hands on parent that I forget to step back and let Xavier take the initiative. It's a tough balancing act with him because if we completely step back then he's not able to fully step up. I am learning to teach him how to self regulate but then I'm still working on that with my husband (apparently I have taken on way too much responsibility with them and they forgot how to do it).
I think it's a problem with mom's in general. We have a tendency to be efficient and then take over everything without thinking about the consequences. My mom was one who always cut our meat. It wasn't because she didn't think we could cut our own but it was her way of making sure everyone got a fair share of the meat. When I was an adult, I didn't know how to cut my meat and the first dinner date I made I cut the meat in the kitchen (poorly) and brought the plates out. That was how it was growing up. We eventually all learned how to cut our steaks in public with no embarrassment but it's just a reminder of all those little things we learn growing up.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Xavier and God
Last night the Mormon missionaries came to visit. They are really nice guys who really are not much older than Xavier so he likes when they come over. The missionaries often like the same things Xavier likes. Last night, one of the missionaries blindsided Xavier with the toughest question he will ever face. What did Xavier think about God and what did he believe? This was not unlike a completely horrible conversation that Xavier and I had after church on Sunday.
Xavier has very strong feelings about religion and has translated that into his belief in God. Xavier does not like church. He says he believes in the scientific order of things which fits his very analytical personality. Talking about God with Xavier is really hard because he gets so aggitated. The conversation was really interesting for me as an observer but I got the impression it was not a comfortable conversation for Xavier. (I didn't jump in because I believe life is hard and sometimes it's best to learn that when you are safe and can be comforted.)
I got to thinking about some of the reasons that believing in God is hard for Xavier and I think I am beginning to understand. I can't say for certain what Xavier is thinking but I can attempt.
1. God is boring. Think about this from Xavier's perspective. God equals church. Church means sitting in an uncomfortable chair for an hour (or so) while people talk in very monotonous tones. As an adult I have a hard time sitting through Sacrament without wanting to take a nap. On top of that, Xavier doesn't understand the concepts that they talk about because most of the talks are based on knowledge they assume everyone has. Then add to that the clothes. Sometimes Xavier likes his dress-up clothes but wearing the same or similar outfit every Sunday loses it's appeal.
2. God has too many rules. I didn't realize that Xavier didn't understand that all God really expects is for us to make the best decisions possible. I, personally, don't know what happens after we die and I believe that even if I never go to heaven I still want to create the best life possible here on Earth. I want to be happy and have blessings. For Xavier, heaven is a really hard concept. He's already struggling with the idea that in four years he might be going to college. He understands the mechanics of college because we live in a college town but he doesn't understand that his actions over the next four years may prevent him from attending. He doesn't seem to understand grades and the points that go with them. It's far too "fairy tale" for his mind. There's nothing tangible. Xavier's never been one that really understood rewards and consequences - they were just parts of life that didn't really have any merit (I don't think he can quite connect the dots). He understands science - if I drop a penny in a glass of water, it sinks. How do you teach a child who doesn't understand immaterial consquences the concept of heaven? I try to explain that it doesn't matter but he gets stuck on that.
3. God makes bad decisions. Xavier doesn't deal well with death and can't understand why God would allow the death of someone he loves. If God is so great, then why does he allow there to be so much pain. You can argue all you want but Xavier still won't understand.
There is a story that popped into my head that helps describe Xavier some. Rob, my mom, my aunt and I all got tickets to see a touring broadway show. My aunt told Xavier - "We're going to see The Producers." Xavier replied, "What do they produce?"
Xavier has very strong feelings about religion and has translated that into his belief in God. Xavier does not like church. He says he believes in the scientific order of things which fits his very analytical personality. Talking about God with Xavier is really hard because he gets so aggitated. The conversation was really interesting for me as an observer but I got the impression it was not a comfortable conversation for Xavier. (I didn't jump in because I believe life is hard and sometimes it's best to learn that when you are safe and can be comforted.)
I got to thinking about some of the reasons that believing in God is hard for Xavier and I think I am beginning to understand. I can't say for certain what Xavier is thinking but I can attempt.
1. God is boring. Think about this from Xavier's perspective. God equals church. Church means sitting in an uncomfortable chair for an hour (or so) while people talk in very monotonous tones. As an adult I have a hard time sitting through Sacrament without wanting to take a nap. On top of that, Xavier doesn't understand the concepts that they talk about because most of the talks are based on knowledge they assume everyone has. Then add to that the clothes. Sometimes Xavier likes his dress-up clothes but wearing the same or similar outfit every Sunday loses it's appeal.
2. God has too many rules. I didn't realize that Xavier didn't understand that all God really expects is for us to make the best decisions possible. I, personally, don't know what happens after we die and I believe that even if I never go to heaven I still want to create the best life possible here on Earth. I want to be happy and have blessings. For Xavier, heaven is a really hard concept. He's already struggling with the idea that in four years he might be going to college. He understands the mechanics of college because we live in a college town but he doesn't understand that his actions over the next four years may prevent him from attending. He doesn't seem to understand grades and the points that go with them. It's far too "fairy tale" for his mind. There's nothing tangible. Xavier's never been one that really understood rewards and consequences - they were just parts of life that didn't really have any merit (I don't think he can quite connect the dots). He understands science - if I drop a penny in a glass of water, it sinks. How do you teach a child who doesn't understand immaterial consquences the concept of heaven? I try to explain that it doesn't matter but he gets stuck on that.
3. God makes bad decisions. Xavier doesn't deal well with death and can't understand why God would allow the death of someone he loves. If God is so great, then why does he allow there to be so much pain. You can argue all you want but Xavier still won't understand.
There is a story that popped into my head that helps describe Xavier some. Rob, my mom, my aunt and I all got tickets to see a touring broadway show. My aunt told Xavier - "We're going to see The Producers." Xavier replied, "What do they produce?"
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