Rage

When Xavier was about nine years old, he began to have these episodes where he was absolutely uncontrollable. At first, it was easy to mistake them for temper tantrums but soon we noticed that it was something more. One afternoon while I was alone with him, he threatened to kill me. There was something really cold in the way he said it. I was able to pretend that it didn't bother me but it did. I was suddenly afraid of my child. It was at that time we realized that Xavier needed medication.
Years pass and last year, at this time, Xavier's doctor had us wean him off his medication. I didn't really understand why but I was all for it. I am not exactly anti-medication but I always feel there is a better way to treat behavior than with a pill.
For the last month, Xavier's temper tantrums have been getting worse. We're learning that Xavier is not functioning without medication. He really doesn't want to be medicated and we want to be better parents. To be honest, I was sure we were doing something wrong when Xavier has these tantrums. And maybe we are but something more is going on.
Last night, Xavier refused to use his table manners at dinner. At 14 there is no excuse not to display some ettiquette while eating. We decided that he needed a time out to think about what sort of behavior he needed to have at dinner. His behavior went beyond a simple tantrum and into uncontrollable violence. I am sure there were better ways to handle the situation but Rob and I didn't know that it was something more at the time. We tried to send him to his room but he refused to stay. He hit his father with the intent to really hurt him while Rob was trying to get him to just take a time out. He threw things but it wasn't until he grabbed me around the neck that I realized that something more was going on. Xavier was out of control.
We started with calling his therapist but no one could really help us. The woman on the phone said if it got too bad, we should call the police. I don't want to be that parent - the one who calls the police on their child. I can't help it but I don't want the neighbors to know how out of control he is and I just don't see that as a real solution to the problem. We were able to get a doctor from the medical practice to write a prescription for risperidone. It was one of the medications Xavier was on last year.
Poor Xavier, he was starting to come down from his episode at this time and was making promises to work harder on the Feingold diet. He had had some apple juice and was sure that it was what happened since apples are not allowed during stage one of the diet. He was afraid to be touched because he didn't want to hurt us. He was sweating profusely. I knew in my heart that this was something more than just behavior. Xavier is not a bad kid. He's not a violent person.
We are putting him back on the risperidone at a tiny dosage. Even when he was on it before the doctor kept commenting what a small dosage he needed. If we can help him with this little pill then it's worth it. We'll try helping him with other therapies still.
Rob is supposed to make an appointment with Xavier's doctor and we will call for intervention services to see if there is more we can do. We've got a long summer ahead of us but the goal is to make high school successful so I am willing to do this all now.