FFA and the Humane Society

Xavier finally got time to contact the humane society last week. He needs to do 45 hours of community service for his science class. The teacher prefers an agricultural based project but the Humane Society is a good alternative.
Xavier did his orientation on Saturday and his first service hours on Sunday. He loved working with the animals and was proud that he got all his work done in the first 45 minutes of his two hour shift. He was the only volunteer that showed up for the shift.
He played with the few dogs and cats at the shelter. He had a blast and loves working with all the animals. He couldn't wait to sign up for another shift. The next open shift that wasn't during school is November 12. No volunteers signed up at all that day. He started to sign up for the 8:30 am shift and I reminded him that it was awfully early and he liked to sleep in. He switched it for a 1 pm shift (the next shift).
I found out on Monday that the morning of the 12th is his safety orientation for trapshooting with the FFA so that worked out well. He'll still have to get up early but he doesn't have to rearrange his schedule. He's borrowing a gun from a friend which worries me. I'll talk with the owner and make arrangements to pick it up and drop it off. I don't know anything about trapshooting so I guess I will be learning along with Xavier.
He really likes FFA and is working hard to remember when the meetings are.
Last night he took a few neighborhood boys trick or treating. This is the last year Xavier is going trick or treating so he wanted it to be a good one. It did mean missing his FFA meeting but he signed up for a project that meets on Wednesdays so he feels like he's still getting time in this week.
I'll be working on making it to the parent meetings now that I know when everything is. It's fun to see Xavier really excited about things and the possibilities for his future.

Pictures

I promised pictures of Xavier holding Bianca and I have finally put them on the computer. She looks so happy to be held by her cousin.



He was a little nervous but so happy she liked him.

On another note, we brought home a new cat. His name is Cody. He's 1 1/2 and a black DLH. We think he might have some Maine Coon in him. His previous owner had found him as a kitten in an alley and took him home. She had three cats and two dogs. Cody was proving to be too big for the other cats to play with and she was worried he would hurt on of them just because he was just so much bigger than they were.
He's settling in well and has a great personality. Xavier just loves to play with him. Rob and Xavier are teaching him to use the toilet. He's a smart cat and is just going with the flow.

Xavier was so happy that he told us he didn't need any Christmas gifts from us because he got what he really wanted. He's sweet kid and we love him a lot.

Ghost Hunting

Last night Xavier got a great opportunity to do something he has always wanted to do. John Zaffis of Haunted Collector (SYFY channel) was invited to speak at WSU. While free for students, there was a $5 charge for the public. Xavier's uncle Josh so nicely gave us the $5 to pay his admission. We didn't tell Xavier what he was going to see.
His grandmother picked him up at 6:30 and took him to the CUB auditorium. I don't know how we managed to keep it a surprise but we did. Grandma slept through most of the lecture but said that Xavier was riveted by John Zaffis. She said he raised his hand to ask a question and she got a little nervous because she didn't want him rambling. She said he asked the most concise and intelligent question (more so than anyone else).
When the lecture was over, a handful of people were selected to go on a ghost hunt. Xavier was one of those selected. When he came home, he had such wonderful stories to tell. John (Xavier got to be on a first name basis with the man) took them to two different buildings on campus - Webster and Bryan. They used a radio to communicate with the dead. Apparently Xavier has the knack because John had him talk to a few ghosts that seemed to respond well to Xavier.
Xavier came home with a "girlfriend". A ghost named Joyce was particularly fond of Xavier and would only respond to him.
Whether or not you believe it's true, Xavier had a wonderful experience. He loves watching ghost hunting and paranormal shows. He has plans for exploring the paranormal as a career (on top of being a forensic entomologist). I know his passion lies with discovering cryptids (animals considered mythical) but we may have a future ghost hunter on our hands.
Xavier is highly intelligent and has such a dynamic personality that I believe we might just see him on tv some day - whether it's hunting the paranormal, Mythbusters or becoming the next Jeff Corwin/Steve Irwin.
For more information about John Zaffis visit his website.

Update and a poem

Things have been going well with Xavier. He was moved to a new resource room when a new Special Ed teacher was hired. I've had some good talks with her via email and I think some good things are going to come out of this year. Xavier was disappointed to lose his only male teacher but I told him that he can still talk to Mr. Bauer or Mr. Johnson, the school psychologist, if something comes up and he needs a guy to talk to.
Xavier has a new goal - to get out of resource room so I told him he has to get his grade up to As and Bs and then we'll talk. He's smart but not good at organizing his stuff or time. We're working on the paper organization and they will do so at school as well. Ms. Kruger, the special ed teacher, said she will help him organize his homework and make sure it's getting done. We'll start with reminding him on a daily basis and then taper off so he can do it on his own. If it works and he can demonstrate that he can manage on his own then we'll start the discussion about leaving the resource room and gaining a new elective.
I'm not 100% comfortable with him leaving the resource room but if it motivates him to improve then that's great.
He has to do a year project for his science class that involves agriculture. The teacher said he could volunteer at the humane society if he couldn't do anything else. He's been trying to find someone who can help him raise chickens but all of us live in places where chickens are not allowed. I mentioned talking to our apartment manager but he didn't want to. The Path program is looking for volunteers so that might be an option as well.
This week Xavier sent me a poem he wrote for his English class. I want to share that with you. He, also, went to writer's group with me this week and loved it. We may have another writer in the family.

Rescue/foster cat
As I go to go to the ASPCA
I see the perfect cat
She was a long haired Persian
Ironically her name was Perfect
She was 9 years old
she passed at 17 years old
but now we have to part
she has taught me a lesson that ill never forget
that boy and cat can have true happiness
and now I can never find a cat like her anywhere

Update

Not doing so great keeping up with this blog. Over labor day, we went to visit my brother and his wife and their new baby. I have some great pictures of Xavier holding little Bianca but when we got back our computer crashed. When that was done I loaded the pictures from the camera onto the computer to discover that the camera wasn't reading the memory card so the Biana pictures weren't uploaded. I think I have fixed that problem but still haven't gotten the pictures off the camera and it put me horribly behind. I promise to share those pictures but in the meantime - so much has happened.
Our trip on Labor Day was not the most perfect trip. Xavier did well in the car for most of the trip over but the last little bit was more than he could stand. He was sitting in the backseat with his Dad and soon it was like have two little kids with all the "he's touching me". It set the mood for the weekend. On that Sunday we went to Bellevue Square and did some serious window shopping. Xavier wasn't super crazy about the whole shopping with no money. But it wasn't so bad. He was feeling pretty bummed that he hadn't got to hold his new cousin. I made sure that Monday before we left he held the baby and I got pictures. He was also bummed that JW lived right next to the river with full schools of fish swimming by and I wouldn't let him fish (his pole needs to strung properly and I wanted it done right and not in a hurry).
Before we left, we stopped by this amazing park not far from my brother's house to visit with my best friend Vanessa and her family. Xavier loves playing with little Nadia (forgot the camera in the car, darn) and Rob had a great time talking shop with Noah.
We got home in time for Xavier to work on his lego creation for the fair. Entries were Tuesday but we waited until Sunday to see how all our hardwork played out. The boys went to the WSU football game on Saturday. They had fun but the heat was so bad that Xavier had a hard time. Rob said next time it's this hot, he won't take Xavier. Several times they had to take to the bathroom and hose him down. The boy is so fair that it doesn't take much heat to make him sick.
Sunday, we went to the fair. Xavier's lego creation took home a best in show. Tonight we're taking all the stuff to the Moscow fair to see how well it does. I can't remember if I have talked about the art table but we've turned our dining room table into a creative space to paint or do other projects. It's been fun doing stuff for the fair. Next we're working on Christmas gifts.
That's a quick over-view of the past two weeks. I'm sure I am missing some valuable information but there's always more posts to come.

Nothing new

Things are going really well with Xavier in school. He did get sick on Monday, however. We suspected it was from a lack of sleeping and sent him to school anyway. The school sent him home and he proceeded to spend the day with his head in the toilet. Poor baby. Rob did the best he could to take care of the boy.
When I got home at dinnertime, Rob was trying to convince a starving teenager to eat slowly and in small increments. Xavier inhaled two bowls of spaghetti in reply. He kept them down but Rob watched over him like a hawk.
He missed the FFA meeting due to being sick but has been getting the information from the teacher in charge. He's so excited about participating in the activities. He's decided to try trap shooting as his project. Next month they are going to play miniature golf at the golf course on the airport road. I'm excited for him.
He has met a new friend who came over last night. Vince is another teenage boy who like zombie games. The boy seems nice and polite but two teenage boys are more than I can stand, Rob and I ended up hiding in the bedroom until it was time for Scouts.
Xavier is debating whether to do Spirit Club or Chess Club. He thinks he would prefer Spirit Club but we'll see. He missed the first meetings of both because of a schedule conflict that I didn't quite understand. (He was too busy fighting zombies with Vince to really pay attention to me and we didn't get time to talk after scouts).
He's enjoying high school so that's something. Now to get all our ducks in a row and a good routine down.
This weekend we're going to see my brother in Auburn and the new baby. Xavier is really excited.
Next week is the fair so there will be plenty to share about that. September promises to be a busy month.

Back to School

I had meant to post this Wednesday but I was waiting for Xavier to report how school was going. He asked me to wait until his second day so he would actually have something to share. The picture is from his first day but it took a lot of begging to get him to hold still for it. He didn't want his picture all over facebook and what not. We may still get it up on facebook but for now family can enjoy his smiling face here.
For all his anxiety about high school, Xavier really likes it. He has six classes - Freshman English, Math Essentials, Agricultural Science, Resource, Information Technology and Food and Nutrition. He hasn't decided which is his favorite yet.
Xavier shared that his math teacher is trying to help him get through Algebra 1 so he can catch up with his class. It will be nice for him to actually advance. We'll be talking with the teacher about math testing to catch any issues with him understanding math. He's got a good math brain and has loved it but I get the feeling the real problem is the way he processes math problems. He's got a good problem solving ability but I fear it doesn't match the way his teachers want him to process it. At this point in time no one cares that he can tell them the right answer - they want him to be able to demonstrate their process for solving the problem. The teachers focus so much on this because the state tests focus on this. I never realized what a disservice this is to the children. It doesn't play to their strengths nor does it support using different methods for solving a problem. I wonder what effect it has later in life when the children are confronted with a problem - will they get stuck because they have been taught there is only one way to solve a problem? Who knows but so far his current math teacher seems great. She told Rob that they will have little homework because she prefers to work with the kids. That's a blessing for us and Xavier since he's so resistant to doing the work at home.
I didn't get a lot of information about English or Science. Xavier knows that his science class is agriculture based but couldn't tell me more than that. I think it's a physical science which Xavier is really good at. He's excited to see how the class goes.
Information Technology sounds like a real technical class but from Xavier's description - it's keyboarding with a fancy title. Xavier's not a bad typist so he should do rather well.
Xavier loves his Resource Room teacher who is this huge guy (who looks like a kid himself). They're getting things ready for Xavier's IEP which comes do in November.
Food and Nutrition is the class I am most excited about for Xavier. He just loves being in the kitchen and loved his "home ec" class last year. Right now the students are getting to know each other and Xavier likes that. He says it's almost half boys and half girls (with just a few more girls than boys) and it's a small class with less than twenty students. I'm so excited for him.
I haven't gotten any reports about clubs or whatnot but that will come in time. He joined the chess club which meets during lunch but I don't know if they have met this week.
Last thing I want to share is that Xavier has started writing. He shared his work with Rob who encouraged me to ask to read it. I got to read it yesterday. It's amazing. Xavier has a great imagination (for a child who absolutely hates imaginative play) and a good voice for writing but he never has really pursued it. This piece has lines that are better than many writer's who have professional careers. I have permission to share a line with you so you can see how great he is.
"Here I'm bound in the chains of destiny, trapt in a living hell wondering how I'd free myself and break away from the fear and hurt that's been put on me." (No editing was done on my part).

Getting Ready for High School

I haven't posted much lately because things have been really quiet around here. Xavier starts school next week and he's really nervous but there's not much to share. So I thought I'd share a little story.
Monday was school registration. It's an important time to go up to the school for lunch program information, bus passes, school pictures and anything else. Many school clubs have sign-ups as well. I left the task to my capable husband who did a wonderful job making sure everything was taken care of.
Later I got a chance to sit and talk with Xavier about how it went. I'm trying to get him excited about his first day of school because he's so worried about it. He told me he signed up for chess club. So I asked if he saw any other group he was interested in. He replied that there weren't that many groups there - chess, cheer, athletics were about it. Then with great enthusiasm he says "Where was FFA? I really wanted to sign-up. I didn't plan my schedule that way not to do FFA." (Xavier is doing the agricultural science/math track with the idea it would help him with FFA - I let him because I think it will interest him more). Then he says, "I really want to do FFA. I want one of those swanky jackets." That's my boy - always got his priorities straight.

Getting Ready for High School, pt 1

We had our last official session with the home therapist last night. Dennis said he'll probably pop in now and again just to check on how things are but Xavier made huge strides this summer. Dennis and Anna both question Xavier's diagnosis of PDD because he's quite bright but they don't believe he doesn't need the extra support so there's no challenges to the official diagnosis. I wonder if we should look into re-testing but I don't know.
One thing Dennis has been working on with Xavier is a serious face. Xavier greets the world with a big goofy grin and Dennis wanted him to work on a more serious, mature face so that making friends and dealing with peers will be a little easier. Xavier's serious face only lasts a few seconds before the grin breaks through but it's a start. The idea behind the face is to help Xavier realize that some situations require a more serious approach.
Xavier is so nervous for high school. Last night, he and Dennis discussed growing up and being mature. Xavier doesn't want to grow up, he wants to be a kid for as long as possible. That's not a bad thing but he does have to grow up some. We compromised by saying Xavier is moving from a young child to an older child (instead of a young adult).
It's going to take some work but I think he'll do okay. Registration is Monday and Rob will be taking Xavier. This will be Rob's opportunity to tour the high school and Xavier's chance to learn about school clubs. His classes have already been determined and he'll pick up his schedule.
We're working on getting school supplies. The only thing he's short is a flash drive so if anyone has an extra one - we'd love to have it. He's got all the other stuff including a scientific calculator (I still had mine from high school). I don't think he needs it yet since he'll be working on Pre-algerbra again but we have one just in case. I think I'll have him wait to take it to school though.
I met the Special Ed teacher back in May - he's a big football playing kind of guy (didn't surprise me when he shared that he was also the football coach). He's young and fun so Xavier should have a good time with him. Maybe he can be successful where the other female teachers weren't (and that's getting Xavier to take homework seriously).
I'm starting a plan to help Xavier be more successful with homework. I still have the bingo card idea in the works. I should probably work on that some more so the cards are in place when school starts - where did the summer go? WSU starts on the 22nd which is just over a week away and PHS will start a couple days later - meaning I have less than 2 weeks to get all his stuff in place (ACK!!!!).

Media Deprivation

I've been working my way through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's a great book that is supposed to help you work through things that prevent you from being creative or artistic. I'm not really having a problem but I find that this time (this is my second time working through her book) that I am learning so much about myself and really want to share with everyone.
What does this have to do with Xavier? Well, as part of her program, Julia Cameron asks that each participant give up one week of reading. To me that wasn't going to work. I barely have time to read what I need to as it is but I know that I waste time watching TV and playing video games. I decided the only way this could be successful is to get the entire family involved. Starting Sunday, we have gone without TV or video games (for the most part).
It's amazing how much time we now have. I kind of miss TV but not really. I am filling up my time with so many things. Sunday, we put up different shelves in the spare room (which we call the craft room). That room, Xavier and I share for various projects. He gets a personal media space with a tv, dvd/vcr, and a video game system and I get a sewing/crafting space. It's been a mess for a long time because we have too much stuff in the smallest room of the house. It's not perfect but I can see that once we get rid of all the little furniture bits that are being stored in there after rearranging that Xavier and I will have a really nice place to be. Once we get rid of those items at our upcoming yardsale (in the works but no date set), we'll have room to put in a bean bag chair or two for Xavier.
Also on Sunday, we played a round of Spiderman Monopoly - Xavier completely kicked butt. After his Dad went bankrupt, Xavier started cheating so I wouldn't lose. I did end up going bankrupt but many turns around the board later instead of right away.
At Papa's we played aggravation and then Xavier found this multi-game set. Out of that we played 3 rounds of Snakes and Ladders and 2 rounds of pickup sticks. We had so much fun that no one missed watching tv.
Last night, Xavier could not wait until I was home so we could play Milles Bornes. I won both games and Rob feels like he still doesn't get how it's played. I suppose we'll have to play it all week until he gets it.
I hope to actually leave the house a couple times this week to do fun things but the week looks like it's going to be busy. Tonight we have therapy but I am looking forward to sharing all the wonderful strides Xavier has been making lately. He's growing up so fast and is really trying to think things through before reacting. It's not always successful but the truth is - he's a step ahead of so many "normal" people with the fact that he's trying.

Party Time

We had a super busy weekend, starting on Friday. Friday we went to the Hamilton-Lowe Aquatic Center in Moscow, ID. Every year we go as a family to celebrate Rob's birthday. Joining us was my dad and my brother, Josh (Josh's birthday is on the 2nd and Rob's is on the 4th). I forgot my camera so there are no pictures.
Xavier loves the "water park" since the Aquatic Center has two big slides, a lazy river, a water structure and various swimming areas. He did really well, sometimes when there's too much activity he has a hard time shutting off. We had a small issue when it was time to leave for dinner (we said we'd try to come back but no promises). Xavier laid down to dry off and refused to acknowledge anyone, especially his dad. It's not the worst moment he's ever had so I wasn't overly concerned. When we were ready to leave, he got up and left. He returned to normal by the time we were in the van to go to A&W. We came back and he played for another hour. He had no problem leaving when the lifeguard told him it was time to get out (the park closes at 7:30).
On Saturday, Xavier and I went with my dad to Silverwood in Coeur d'Alene. It's a long drive and we left just after nine and got there about noon (lots of traffic just getting out to the park so the last hour was trying to get the last 20 miles). Xavier was so excited but we had a talk before going in. He had to let me know when it was time out time. He did really well and only had one moment when we had to threaten a time out. That particular moment happened late in the day and we were in this really long line (we managed to miss most long lines) and he was just antsy. He kept picking at me and I asked him if he needed a time out - he replied "no, thank you" and tried to find something more constructive to do with his energy. It wasn't perfect but there was no kicking or screaming so I felt we had a great success.
I want to share that Xavier is an incrediably brave soul. He did rides all by himself that made me nervous just knowing he was on it. I watched the panic plunge while he waited in line so when he asked me if I was scared, I could honestly answer no because it was really short and we were all there within view. The other rides - not so easy on momma. He did miss one ride he really wanted to try because the line was way too long but we left for home at ten feeling like we had the best day of our life. We crawled into bed after 1 and spent Sunday quietly enjoying being home. I'll share more about what we're doing this week but our weekend was so busy and we are so tired.

Arrival at the park.

Train ride - car 3 got wet so Xavier wanted to be there. Papa and I sat under cover a car back.

Xavier enjoying the train show.

That blue and green structure is The Aftershock.

Papa paid for Xavier to try the shooting gallery - he got 18 out of 18 shots.

Xavier psyching up for the Panic Plunge.

Way up to the top.

Landing

Water slide

In line for The Aftershock.


Safely on ground.

Beautiful, Talented or Smart

Yesterday, a friend of mine started a discussion on facebook about the way we talk to girls. That, as a society, we tell them to be cute but not smart. There was a book involved with this discussion but I didn't look at it. It was an interesting conversation.
For me, it was important to tell Xavier every day how beautiful/handsome he is. I battled an eating disorder in college and have struggled with my own self image so why not give him a foundation to prevent this. I, also, tell him he's smart but sadly it usually goes like this "You're too smart to do this" (whatever this is).
I know he's a brilliant young man and he's good looking when he takes care of himself but I never know if I am doing anything right.
So, last night, Xavier crawls into bed with me because I was in bed before him (I get tucked in instead of him). I ask him - would he rather have someone say he was beautiful, smart or talented. He asked me why they would say that and I replied it didn't matter which would he prefer. He thought about it for a moment and then said "well, I already know I am two of those things." I asked him which two - he said smart and talented but that he's only beautiful in his mother's eyes.
Yep - he sure is smart but I think he's still a beautiful boy even if it's just the beauty of his heart.

Ice Cream Social

Thought I would just share something light after last weeks, week-long rant. On Sunday we went to the Ice Cream Social at the McConnell Mansion in Moscow, Idaho. This was a free event and the weather was beautiful.
Xavier had a lot of fun looking over the hunting and trapping display outside under the trees. He was able to name most of the furs they had on the table. He later told me he thought it was mean to have all those furs. He's such a softie sometimes.

We stopped for a moment to see the raptor's. Xavier loves the birds but it seems that the more we see them the fewer birds they have to show off and the more competition to get up to see the birds. Last year we took a tour of the raptor facility and I think we'll save up our interest for the next tour.

We took a tour of the house, which Xavier found moderately interesting. This bed here is missing it's mattress so Xavier thought that was cool. He, also, wanted his picture taken in the bathtub but we didn't think the museum staff would like that.


We then got some ice cream and sat and listened to the music.

We finished up our time with a hay ride. Xavier loves hay rides and horses so we had a lot of fun.

Social Service part 3

So we're getting rid of Social Security and Welfare. Those systems provide money to those who are not working. The reasons they are not working can vary from disability to illness to loss of employment to lack of desire to work. I will admit there are people out there who just don't want to work. It's those people that the anti-social service people target when they talk about those who abuse the system.
My mother and I were talking about this the other day and she said something that really made me think. If we were to force everyone to work, it would strain the already tight job market. Those who don't want to work actually provide more jobs for those who do. That's an interesting point.
I have a friend who's father is one of those people who doesn't like to work. He's an artist and his health is poor. He has a new wife and a small child. There is no way he's going to work to support them if his welfare dries up. What it will mean is that his wife and child will get less support than they get now. It's possible that she'll leave him. So where will he go - to his children. This friend who doesn't want to pay into welfare because she sees her father abusing the system will have to make the choice to support him completely. She can turn him away but that will mean her sister will have to support him (her brothers are not in a position to help). Having him on welfare actually keeps him from being a burden to his family.
I have an opposite example - we have a friend who wants to work but he's disabled. In the past he's gotten jobs and worked until he can't and then he quits. He has a mental disability which has lead to a physical disability. He's spent time homeless, during which he was subjected to horrible abuse. Because of his mental disability, he's not educated and he makes poor decisions. He makes friends easily but many of his friends take advantage of him. We got him on disability several years ago. During all this time, he's managed to stay in the same home. He gets adequate food and medical care (medical care for several issues that could have been prevented with adequate medical care earlier in his life). He still has problems with people taking advantage of him but he's finding less problems with the law and can recover from the situations far easier.
No one really thinks about how other people on social services will affect them if the social services are gone.
During the foreclosure crisis (when it was first made public), my mother asked an interesting question - who pays the taxes on the houses? The owners of the house are not paying taxes because they no longer own the house and the mortgage companies are not going to pay anything towards the house since they are already losing money. What happens - the city loses money, money that would pay for road repairs, city employees, schools, hospitals, fire and police departments.
What happens if people stop receiving money from social services? They can't pay their bills. How does this affect everyone else? Well they can't pay rent so the owner raises the rent for the next tenant to cover lost rent. They can't pay their electric bill or water bill - the prices go up for everyone else to cover the loss.
We won't pay into social services but we will still pay to support those who needed it in the beginning. There will be increases for medical charges to cover those who can't pay. Businesses may close because of the lack of income. It doesn't take much to cause a small business to go under.
In Lacrosse Washington, the grocery store closed because they could no longer afford the electric bill. It's a small poor community. As things became tighter, they bought less at the store. The store could no longer afford to cover its own expenses. No more store. No more jobs for the few that worked there. The owners no longer had an income and were far deeper in debt.
More small businesses will close, fewer jobs. More foreclosures as owners can't afford to keep up with their house payments or just decide that their rental property is too expensive to keep up with.
These are truths when it comes to the way of the world.
Let me ask you - when was the last time you gave to charity? Charities struggle and they will struggle even more when the social services are gone. I have watched my favorite support programs dwindle because their support is fading. Now is not the time to buy that big screen tv - that won't save this country. Give that money to charity, especially if you refuse to support taxes and social services.
A poem I like to refer to for any situation that involves that mentality - it won't affect me is:
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out --
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me -- and there was no one left to speak for me.

Who will you stand up for?

Social Services pt 2

I've debated rewriting my previous post but I've decided not to. It's not that I worry about the content, it's more about clarity but I think I can make things more clear as I go (or not). We forget how important social services are. I will agree that our government spends money on things that are not necessary and companies take advantage of our tax money but social services are one place I feel resources should be poured into. There is a reason they exist.
Today I want to talk about withholding social services from drug addicts and illegal immigrants. These are super hot buttons for much of the country because they feel that both populations do not deserve help or they take help away from those who really need the help. I believe that these populations do deserve help.

This plaque sits at the base of the Statue of Liberty. There was a time that America held open it's arms to those of the world who wanted to start a new life. Most of America's population were immigrants at one point in time. The country is just over 200 years old. How could we forget and how could we deny future Americans the same opportunity that we were given? On top of that, no one points out how many Americans are illegally living in other countries. It's tough to come to America. We have made it nearly impossible for people to start over here. So they have to come in illegally so they can care for their families. Most people think of Mexicans as the only illegal immigrant and they are the most persecuted but they are not the only immigrants in our country (illegal or legal). We get Canadians, Africans, Europeans, Australians, Asians who stay in the country. If they are white and speak decent English, they can't really be here illegally. Aside from that, many illegal immigrants that come into our country take the terrible jobs we believe we are too good to do. Because they are not here legally, they work long hours for a lot less pay and are grateful. Some come here slaves and we pretend it doesn't happen until they want rights and then we throw a fit about them taking jobs and resources that should be ours.
I think about a scene in The Big One by Michael Moore. He's talking to Phil Knight, CEO of Nike. Michael Moore wants Nike to open a factory in Flint Michigan and Phil Knight says he won't do it because Americans don't want to make shoes. As sad as it is, it's true. I hear people complain that they deserve a better job. The economy is tight but minimum wage jobs are still in need of people to fill them. People do take the job with gratitude, for awhile. Then they move on to something better, something that pays them more. In advanced societies, this is a common trend. However, there are plenty of countries where people work long, hard days for little money and are so grateful. They live in barely adequate housing, no electricity, running water or cable tv. Americans wouldn't put up with this. How many people think their life is over when they can't get on facebook?
We have jobs in America that only immigrants will do. It's sad that they are not treated better but we, Americans, have screwed the entire system. We want to pay as little as possible for things and yet we want to make good wages so we can buy more stuff for as little as possible. Companies can not make profits off of what Americans want to be paid. Granted there are some out there but it's a situation we got ourselves into. It makes for great situations for those who are willing to work hard for what they get paid and don't feel they need a lot. So many immigrants work to send money home to family members still in their country of origin.
Most illegal immigrants come to this country to work. Don't they deserve help to keep those jobs? Help to make a better life for their families? If you don't want illegal immigrants then we need to help them be here legally not return them to their country or treat them like second class citizens.
There are a lot of fears that immigrants equal drug dealers. That may be true for a small percentage but our approach to drugs is beyond stupid. Countries in Europe have had great success legalizing drugs and monitoring them but not in America. We don't even allow farmers to grow hemp because it's too close to Marijuana. If the country took over the drug trade, there's be a lot of positive changes but our "values" don't allow for that. Look how hard it's been to legalize marijuana for medical use. Want a solution to our financial situation - legalize pot and prositution and then tax it. Yes, it does mean a certain amount of approving the behavior but those who are going to do it anyway might as well have some of their money go to benefit the country.
I like to compare the abortion laws to drug laws. Making abortions illegal didn't prevent women from getting them. What it did was force them to take unnecessary risks. Many women died from these abortions. The things they did were just bizarre and dangerous. Legalizing abortion meant the women who were going to do it anyway would have safe places to go. They'd walk out healthy with doctors to follow up to make sure they stayed healthy.
In England, they did the same thing with drugs. They gave the addicts a safe place to go and doctors to watch over them. They had to maintain jobs and be good citizens. Here in America, we ostrasize drug addicts. We turn them into criminals. If we don't give them any support, then they have to turn to crime. Prostitution, theft, drug distribution are some examples. I heard a case recently of a young man who would get his girlfriend drunk so he could talk her into smoking meth. He made her an addict because he didn't want to be alone. I share this because becoming an addict isn't always a choice and some addicts need help beyond the addiction because their reasons for starting have to do with underlaying problems.
It's important to think about a bigger picture. What happens to the addict if they have nowhere to live or food to eat? What happens to their children? Their families?
I'm not going to argue for legalizing drugs but I will say that there are so many things we could be doing to help people but instead we try to sweep it all under the carpet by making it illegal and unacceptable. We have more problems than just money - we have a crisis of morality. It's easy to stand on the soapbox and preach against sin, it's tougher to accept that sin exists and we should love the sinner.

The truth about social services part 1

There's been a lot of discussion lately about social services (social security, welfare, government medical). It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when people talk about not wanting to fund these programs. There are lots of reasons why people don't want to fund them - they believe that the people who use these programs are lazy, they believe that there should be fewer taxes, they believe people need to take care of themselves and not expect others to do it for them.
I agree that some people abuse the system but, honestly, that's what the system is for. (not to be abused but to be used) What defines abuse of the system? So many people use the example of a woman with six kids who never works and each of her kids have different fathers. Yes that happens but that's just one example of someone who uses the welfare system. I have heard arguements about not letting those who take drugs or are illegal immegrants use the welfare system. I think that a nation who calls themselves Christians and is founded on the principle that we take in those who need a place to go - well it's just sad.
I'm not going to keep rambling because I do have some serious points here and I may take all week to get to them all. I know there are a million examples of people who abuse and use the system but if you took a moment to pick it apart you'd see something completely different.
I'm going to start with our use of the system. We've struggled for ages. We still struggle. We depend on food stamps to supply us with more food than we could buy on our own (at this moment my income doesn't cover all the bills let alone gas and food so we pick and choose and struggle). Xavier gets free lunch at school. With that he also gets free breakfast.
So the system goes away. We struggle more but we'll make it work. Rob will go back to work when school starts so we can pay all our bills and buy food. We'll make lunches to send with Xavier which he won't eat because he doesn't like to take a lunch so he'll not have lunch. We may try to send money for lunches because taking a lunch doesn't work but we struggle with him buying snacks so his lunches will vary from nothing to ice cream to salty snacks. We'll stop sending money because we want him to eat good food so he'll start begging from his friends.
We'll get mad at him because he has access to food which will cause him to purposely not eat. That's okay - he's a chubby kid so starving's actually good because then he'll lose weight and be perfect (because that's all we care about). No one will be concerned about his nutrition but his mother because he's far to fat (his previous dr tried to convince us he was obese because that's the big concern these days). He'll not do well in school but then he's on an IEP so that's expected. No one really cares if he does well in school or if he's able to go to college because that's not their concern - until he can't get a job as an adult. Then people will say he's lazy and probably always was because he did so poorly in school. He'll continue to be fat because the food he can afford has poor nutrition and high calories. Or he'll have to live with his parents the rest of his life because he can't function as an adult because he can't get a job (and the welfare/disability system is gone so there's no support for him to live on his own).
Most likely none of that will happen because he's got family support and we won't let that happen but it happens for children all over the nation. A simple program like free school meals is an incrediably important program. For so many children on the program the food they get at school is all they get. It's not the parent's fault that they can't make ends meet. Many families struggle with finances. In this economy so many are losing their jobs and they are losing their homes. I'll talk more about other programs later this week because I don't want this to be a mile long.
We worry about the children getting fat but no one wants to give money to these programs so the schools feed the kids what they have access to - which is not great food. No one seems to understand that cheap food is not always the most nutritious and quite often it's calorie dense. I had an arguement with a woman about obesity and the poor. So many want to instill educational programs because we are all too stupid to understand nutrition. That's not true - cheap food is not always the best food. This particular woman said she makes good food for her family for very little money but the dishes she offered were beans, pasta, etc. That was my point. I can feed my family a good dish for a few dollars but it's most likely going to lack in fresh vegetables and lean meats.
If my son goes to school and eats breakfast pizza and hamburgers, then comes home to a big pot of beans cooked with ham hocks -it's not exactly a diet that's going to make him look like a supermodel. But then we do away with the free food and he'll be eating white bread and tuna for lunch (and hope he eats something at home for breakfast) and then coming home for beans at dinner.
I know I'm rambling and it probably doesn't make any sense but I am so fed up with the stupidity of our nation - does no one think things through.

Jury Duty

Yesterday, I had the privilege of being called to serve on a jury. I had been called two times before but in those cases I didn't actually get to the process. The first time, the defendant plead guilty right after all the people called had arrived so we were sent home. The second time, they changed the dates of the trial and I was going to Indiana for undetermined amount of time (we ended up staying 2 months).
I was really excited to be called because I wanted to really see the process. Watching crime shows on TV are not the same as actually sitting through an entire trial. The trial was short and deliberations were even shorter but the whole thing still took almost an entire day.
While sitting through this, I got to thinking. What would it be like for someone with Autism to sit on a jury? I'm one of those people who have Autism symptoms - like I can't stand for someone to tell me the "rules" and have no one follow them. For example, I worked at a nursing home. We'd have classes once a week where we would learn how to transfer patients and various other techniques. No one actually used those techniques in the nursing home and it drove me nuts. I couldn't function. I was in trouble because I would complain. I complained because I didn't understand why would they train us one way and not have us actually do the work in that way.
This is a skill that helped me on the jury. We were told that our job was to see if the evidence supported the law that we were given. In this case, the law was Washington State's definition of assault and culpability.
It was very black and white for me. There were no feelings involved just facts - did the facts support the state's definition of the law. We felt that they did.
The case was a young man had been drinking. He was taken into protective custody and proceeded to spit on an officer and a nurse. It may seem like a silly case, it did to me in the beginning, but the law says that spitting with the intent to harm is assault.
There was no disagreeing that the young man spit on the officer and the nurse - the question was did his intoxication make him responsible for his actions. This brought me back to Autism as well (I think I have Autism on the brain). I remember hearing a case of a young man with Autism who had assaulted his parents. He was found guilty even though he was mentally impaired. I know that there are situations where a person absolutely can not tell right from wrong. These cases are ones where the individual is so mental impaired they can not control their actions. One example used was a patient with Alzheimers. I have worked with Alzhiemers patients and they are not always aware of what they are doing. They do turn violent because the disease changes the way their brains work. Most of the time (if not all of the time), they are not even aware that they were capable of such acts. I remember a case of a man with Alzhiemers who killed his wife in a fit of rage. He couldn't understand where she had gone.
In those cases, I would understand that the defendant was not capable of controlling their behavior. Children with Autism may not be able to control their feelings but they understand what hurts and what doesn't. They make choices as to how they behave. They can swing out in anger but they choose what they swing out at and if they make contact. Xavier chooses words that he know will hurt when he yells because he wants to inflict pain. He wants us to know he's hurting and we are responsible. (We're not always responsible but he sees it as that way).
We hold him accountable for his actions and he can't choose his brain chemistry. Back to the case, yesterday, that young man chose to drink and drink to excess. I think he's lucky that all he did was spit. What would have happened had he actually hit someone or hurt someone? What would have happened if he had killed someone?
I'm glad that he didn't and maybe he'll learn a lesson. Me - I learned a lot. I learned that lawyers can ask the same question 20 times and be shocked that the answers are the same (or create confusion so no one knows what he's asking anymore). I was reminded of that Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

Harry Potter

We went Sunday to see the last Harry Potter movie. Taking Xavier to the movies is always an adventure. He's getting better but we have to be clear with the rules when we get there.
Xavier loves to talk through movies especially when it's characters he knows. I can't stand watching comic book movies with him or ones adapted from cartoons because he has a pre-conceived notion about how the characters should behave.
He wasn't too bad through this movie. It was long for a movie but he didn't get to antsy which just goes to show how much he liked it. He's getting really tall so I ended up getting kicked and kneed a few times as he repositioned himself. The chairs are not that big at the theatre and he likes to sit with his feet under him. It was not really successful at the theatre but he managed.
He didn't talk to me much through the movie but that may have been the stern warning I gave him before it started. He did whisper to his father now and again but it didn't seem to excessive (and he remembered to whisper as quietly as possible).
I love movies adapted from books when it comes to sharing movies with Xavier. Sometimes the movies are so good, we can talk him into reading the book. He has listened to Harry Potter books on tape/cd which is a good start.
I've been trying to get him to read books this summer with the idea that I would read them too and we'd watch the movie but I can't get him through a book. He does like graphic novels and just devours them so it's not all bad.
This post is more scattered than I meant it to be but that is life in our house. Xavier is sure growing up and I can see some things change. Ten years of watching Harry Potter movies and I get to see my boy grow up with them. I can't believe he was only 4 when the first movie came out. I know we didn't see the first few in the theatre - the idea of going to a movie with Xavier was not fun. Even getting him to sit through them at home was hard. Now I think he'd sit through a whole marathon but he'd do a lot of talking because he knows the stories so well.
For those who might watch a movie with Xavier, never watch a movie for the first time with him if he has seen it before - he loves to talk about what's going to happen. He has a really good movie memory and gets overly excited when he knows something good is going to happen. He doesn't care if you talk through the movie nor does he mind knowing what's going to happen. It's all fun to him (he can watch the same movie over and over, still). Fortunately, he watches lots of movies so it's rare that we see the same one twice in a month unless it's airing on tv.

Update

I haven't really posted anything this week because there's not much to share. Xavier had a sleepover this week with the boy downstairs. We've been hesitant to let him stay over because Brady is 10 and Xavier is 14. The two boys are really close friends and have been for the last 2 years but I really am uncomfortable with the idea of a sleepover. Brady slept over at our house last week and Xavier stayed this week. We did talk to Brady's mom about our concerns. We really like Brady but I worry that something innocent will happen and an accusation would do irrepairable harm.
I know I may be over-worrying but last summer a Dad became irrate after finding his 8 year old daughter sitting on Xavier's lap at the playground. I know what he was implying. Xavier was heartbroken because he couldn't understand what he did wrong. Because Rob and I were both working, we wouldn't let Xavier go outside to play until we got home so it meant a long summer stuck inside. Rob's home this summer and that family has moved so Xavier is spending lots of time playing outside.
Because Xavier likes to play with the younger kids and pretty much avoids kids his own age, I worry. I worry a lot. Xavier is a sweet kid but it's a tough world out there. I'd hate for Xavier to get into trouble.
Well, the sleepovers had no problems. Xavier worked hard to give Brady privacy and be respectful and discreet. Xavier has bunk beds so there was no worry about where anyone was going to sleep except I think Xavier had Brady sleep on the bottom bunk and he slept in the closet (silly kid).
Xavier had his challenge course this week but ended up sick. He missed Monday and tried Tuesday but they brought him home early. We have an irritating summer cold going through our house - not enough to make us feel really sick but enough to drag on and on.

Xavier update

Things are going really well with Xavier. He's been on the medication for a little over 3 weeks now and his behavior has been well controlled. He's still a teenager but his emotional responses are normal. He doesn't seem to be as angry as he was before. He's swimming lots. He still attends church (just we're not always making it through the entire service - sacrament and sunday school). He likes spending time with his new scout troop/youth group.
Today he woke up with a horrible headache so he missed his adventure/challenge course group. He'll catch up with them tomorrow when he's feeling better. A small bug has been working it's way through our family. It's not the kind that really make you sick but you just feel blah for several day with minor symptoms here and there.
We've been experimenting with going more natural with household products. A friend of mine suggested we try soap nuts. I made up shampoo and soap with the soapnuts. I don't mind them except my hair is going through a weird shampoo withdrawal but Xavier hated them so he's back to bar soap and regular shampoo.
Our garden is going okay - it's still green but not a lot of growth. Xavier and I planted a strawberry plant last night and Wednesday I am going to add manure and more soil to the plot while Xavier is at scouts. It will get there. Xavier is excited for the blueberries to get ripe but it looks like we'll get strawberries first (there are 3 berries and they started to get red yesterday).
Good things are happening and I'm excited.

Growing up and still mama's little boy

Last night Xavier snuggled up to me as I laid in bed. I asked him where my little boy had gone and he said he was right there. He would always be my little boy. At times like this it's hard to think of Xavier growing up.
I follow a blog written by women who have a family member with what they call a hidden disability. This includes children with Autism. It's an interesting blog and often gives me inspiration of new things to try with Xavier.
I was struck by a conversation about redirecting young men's behavior when it came to interacting with their mom. They talked about training their son's not to hold their hand in public or to be so snuggly. They had good reasons for this. They wanted their sons to learn how to interact with members of the opposite sex and to develop a certain amount of maturity.
I talked with my husband about this and he just thought I was over-reacting when I expressed my concern for holding Xavier back. He didn't see anything wrong with letting Xavier hold my hand or snuggle with me.
I talked with my mom. She said that when my brothers were born, she knew that she was going to accept every snuggle, hand holding, sign of affection for as long as my brothers would offer them.
So I talked to Xavier. Conversations like this are always a struggle with Xavier because I think they sort of embarrass him. They shouldn't because I want to know what he thinks, how he feels. I think it's just too much work to talk about his feelings that he just doesn't want to. He told me he was just fine with how things are.
I got to thinking. Xavier gives me cues when he's not wanting to demonstrate affection. He doesn't always hold my hand in public, especially if someone from school might see. He doesn't mind me kissing him in front of his friends - I know because I ask him before I kiss him.
I'm his mom and at this point in time, I think it's okay for him to demonstrate affection how he's comfortable. He does have this terrible habit of wanting to chew on me when he's uncomfortable and that's something we're working on redirecting (because it hurts).
If he wants to hold my hand until he's forty, I don't think I'll object (he will be married and living on his own at this time so it probably won't happen all that often).

Therapy night

Last night was our first official CFI therapy. It was really casual and felt more like a cluster of conversations than therapy. There was a lot of information (from us) that just layered over the two hours. Dennis is a great guy and is going to be a joy to work with. He said he was amazed at how functioning we were as a family (he said something about us being a unique situation). He's going to bring another boy next time (in two weeks) to help Xavier work on his social skills and Rob and I have to come up with a list of motivators/rewards to get Xavier to have the behaviors we want. I have struggled with motivators when it comes to Xavier but Dennis had some great ideas.
I want to come up with a unique way to keep track of the tasks and behaviors we want Xavier to have so I thought I'd try a Bingo game. I'd make up Bingo cards and laminate them with the tasks we want Xavier to do - like brush his teeth and take out the trash. We can have school ones as well. In the beginning I think I'll have him try to get a "bingo" and then work up to filling the whole card. Rob and I can initial the tasks when he does them. We'll see how that goes.

Fourth of July

What a busy three day weekend. Xavier loves holidays especially when friends and family come to visit. This weekend my best friend and her family came to Pullman. Vanessa and I have known each other for 20 years (I cannot believe it's been that long). She's married with the cutest little girl and another on the way. Xavier loves to play with Nadia, Vanessa's daughter.
We went swimming on Saturday as a group and then got together on Monday for a family BBQ (ours and hers) and then again for fireworks that night. The fireworks in Pullman are really nice but we sat just under them so it was spectacular. The fireworks were so large and loud. Xavier kept yelling about them breaking the sound barrier.
We're all very tired today. I had to go to work while the "boys" slept in. It will be interesting to see how tonights therapy will go. I just hope we're not all too cranky. It's just the first appointment so it shouldn't dig too deep.
I'll have to share pictures this week when I think of it. Still haven't gotten around to taking pictures of the garden - should probably ask Xavier to do that when he waters. The gardens are going well. It's been really hot so we have to keep remembering to water more than once a day.

Babies

My brother and his wife had their baby Tuesday night. Their bundle of joy was named Bianca and she is so precious. Xavier is baby crazy so having a new baby in the family is great. He loves to play with the little kids but has such a knack with babies. It's one of those fascinating traits about Xavier - he's so busy that you can't imagine his patience when it comes to small beings who need a little less activity. He can sit still and watch barn kittens or bunnies.
My mom is going to see the baby and new parents this weekend so it does mean not really having her around for the holidays. We promise to forgive her if she brings back lots of pictures. I'm looking over the budget to see if there is any chance of taking a Seattle trip this summer. We'd love to go see the baby even if it means a really tiring trip.
I'm bouncing around today because I don't really have a good topic for today's post. Xavier will be meeting with Dennis who will be the family therapist and we will meet with him Tuesday. I'm excited for this and hope it's rather successful. Since Xavier has been on the Risperdal, we've had far fewer problems with his behavior. We're working on tapping but at this moment Xavier is not really open to it so I don't want to share the procedure if it's unsuccessful. I may share anyway because I have noticed that it really makes me feel better and calmer. The goal is just to keep mentioning it to Xavier is short increments so that it becomes something that he just does instead of trying to "force" him into using it. The last time I suggested it to him, he just showed me he knew how to do it and didn't say anything so this might work.
I've been seeing "ads" around campus looking for volunteers to help at Orphan Acres which is a horse rescue farm. I keep forgetting to talk with Xavier about it but I think it might be something he'd enjoy helping with. He has a knack with horses and I could tell how attached his therapy horse was to him. The horse kept nuzzling Xavier and no one else. Everyone was so impressed with his work with his horse. The program was a couple of hours a week for 9 weeks and the last day the kids show their skills off. Xavier's horse did everything he asked it to do with no problem. In fact that was part of the problem because they were demonstrating how they work with uncooperative horses and Xavier's horse was completely cooperative. It was so great to see.
Xavier says he wants to grow up to be a crazy cat man. We watched the original Clash of the Titans this past weekend and Xavier was in love with the older man (the playwright whose name I can't remember now). That man had cats and kittens all over his room. As soon as Xavier noticed it, he exclaimed that that's what he wanted to be when he grew up - a crazy cat man and was so glad that someone else was one too.

Challenge Course

Xavier has done his two days at the challenge course for this month. He is loving it. His friend Mariah is also doing the challenge course so he has someone to buddy around with.
I rather like Mariah. We've known her most of her life so it's really nice for Xavier to have a friend like that. She's a year younger than Xavier so they will not be in school together next year and they are both sad.
According to Xavier, the challenge course was easy. I should probably ask Anna how he does. Xavier has a tendency to step away from the hard problem solving especially in a group setting. On his own, Xavier is always thinking about creative ways to do things. He's big on finding random objects for "projects". Most of the time he likes to take things apart and figure out how they work and go together. He's got some interesting imagination - he can connect with stuffed animals and action figures but not create things that are not there.
I know that at the Scout Challenge Course Xavier often wanted to hold back and not really participate. I think some of that has to do with his inability to really connect with the boys in that troop - we'll see how things go this fall with the new troop.
So many little things going on. I will try to remember to share all the things. I am going to start teaching Xavier to do "tapping" which is a therapy that has the person invision positive thinking while tapping on particular body parts. Rob and I took a class years ago and I recently found a book about it at the library.

So little time...

It's been a crazy couple of weeks in the Thompson house.
Over the weekend of June 18-19, Rob and I helped my mother move from her house to an apartment in Pullman. It was not a well put together move and there is still so much to do. We did get most of the furnishings moved and most of the stuff in the house packed. Xavier spent the weekend with his Papa killing zombies. We were quite tired and so stressed with the move that we barely got any time with Xavier that weekend. He didn't mind.
Monday, June 20th, we got a call. My mother was in the hospital. She had had chest pains that went away when she took her nitroglycerin. I spent the morning in the hospital with her while Rob was home with Xavier. Xavier wasn't worried so I should have known she was alright. The doctor's couldn't find any evidence of heart damage and she was sent home at about 3. The doctor suspected the move stressed her system - she wasn't eating like she should and not taking her pills because everything was still packed.
We helped her unpack and find her medications so she could recover. My mother now lives in the complex next to us for the next month while she gets into more permanent housing. It's really nice having her in town. Xavier likes that he can walk to her house. It looks like she's going to move not very far from my dad so Xavier will have both of them close.
Tuesday, the CFI social worker came to our house to fill out paperwork. She was very nice but Xavier didn't really want to talk to her. He spent a lot of time trying to hide in the cushions of the couch.
Later we went to the doctor to talk about his medication. Xavier was still not feeling chatty about his therapy needs. He did want to talk about the large map on the wall with the pushpins (the pushpins represent places patients have come from).
The doctor is keeping Xavier on the .5 mg dosage and we'll wait and see what happens.
We're supposed to meet with the CFI therapist soon. In the meantime, Xavier is spending today and tomorrow with Anna at a challenge course. The program runs 2 days a month through the summer with an extra "fun" outing. In the past, they have gone rafting but this year they may go to a waterpark.
Xavier is swimming every chance he can get. He loves being at the pool. It's been rather cold here off and on so some days he's outside and some days he's inside, depending on which pool is open.
This past weekend, we had family time at home. Saturday we cleaned house and Sunday we planted the garden. We put Blueberries and herbs in Xavier's plot and tomatoes, peppers and watermelon in the other plot. I felt it was better to put plants that we will keep next year in one plot. We are on the lookout for sweet banana peppers, pickling cucumbers and strawberries to fill out the gardens. They aren't pretty but I will take pictures to share.

Back to the Doctor

Xavier will have to go back to the doctor. He's not really excited about this but right now we have great medical coverage so I'd rather get it all done while we can.
He did go to the dentist last week - I believe I forgot to mention that. Xavier has great teeth genetics so no cavities yet. The dentist doesn't think he will get cavities since there haven't been any and no sign that he will need braces. Xavier has one tooth out of line but the rest are perfect. There's no need to correct that one tooth and Xavier likes it just the way it is. The bad thing is Xavier is not really good at brushing his teeth. We have given him more control over his hygiene instead of standing over him while he gets ready but we may have to be more hands-on. I don't know what it is about teeth brushing that Xavier doesn't like but he really doesn't want to do it. We've switched him to Toms of Maine which is not a bad toothpaste. I hope that a more natural toothpaste might appeal more to him. Since the dentist is sure there won't be cavities there's no more threat of fillings to convince him to brush. (Ideas would be greatly appreciated).
Next Tuesday he goes back to Dr Hall to talk about the medication. I just don't feel comfortable not making the appointment after getting the medicine in an emergency.
I talked with Anna, X's therapist, yesterday. She has recommended that we try CFI which is a different sort of therapy that is done in home with the whole family. I like this idea because it gets us all on the same page and someone who really knows what they are talking about creating a plan instead of Rob and I trying to piece together our own therapy program. She said we should put any schooling plans on hold and talk with the school in the fall. She works closely with Xavier's school but it seems that we need a better person in charge. Xavier did have multiple members on his team but no real leader so not all the information was being shared across the board. There were issues that Rob and I were working on with the school that Anna didn't know existed and vice versa. Unfortunately we can't do anything about it now but we can learn to be more communicative. We didn't really talk much to Anna this year and I think it harmed Xavier's ability to get help. We'll have to make sure we touch base with Anna on a regular basis.
Meanwhile Xavier will work with Anna in a group setting a few times this summer doing challenge courses and some sort of trip. He hadn't worked with Anna last summer because he was doing so well so he's excited to return to the program. In the years past they have gone on an all day rafting trip but they may do something different this year.
We meet with the CFI coordinator on Tuesday as well. We're excited to get this ball rolling.
Xavier will have his first trip with Anna on the 27th and he's already excited.
We had a rough start to the summer but I think we're still on task with trying to find a good therapy that works for Xavier and will help him be successful in high school. I did talk with Anna about Xavier going through "the change" and how we will have to monitor that while we are working on his PDD/ADHD issues. Puberty is tough for anyone but add that to a mix of other issues and this is going to be one bumpy ride.

Rage

When Xavier was about nine years old, he began to have these episodes where he was absolutely uncontrollable. At first, it was easy to mistake them for temper tantrums but soon we noticed that it was something more. One afternoon while I was alone with him, he threatened to kill me. There was something really cold in the way he said it. I was able to pretend that it didn't bother me but it did. I was suddenly afraid of my child. It was at that time we realized that Xavier needed medication.
Years pass and last year, at this time, Xavier's doctor had us wean him off his medication. I didn't really understand why but I was all for it. I am not exactly anti-medication but I always feel there is a better way to treat behavior than with a pill.
For the last month, Xavier's temper tantrums have been getting worse. We're learning that Xavier is not functioning without medication. He really doesn't want to be medicated and we want to be better parents. To be honest, I was sure we were doing something wrong when Xavier has these tantrums. And maybe we are but something more is going on.
Last night, Xavier refused to use his table manners at dinner. At 14 there is no excuse not to display some ettiquette while eating. We decided that he needed a time out to think about what sort of behavior he needed to have at dinner. His behavior went beyond a simple tantrum and into uncontrollable violence. I am sure there were better ways to handle the situation but Rob and I didn't know that it was something more at the time. We tried to send him to his room but he refused to stay. He hit his father with the intent to really hurt him while Rob was trying to get him to just take a time out. He threw things but it wasn't until he grabbed me around the neck that I realized that something more was going on. Xavier was out of control.
We started with calling his therapist but no one could really help us. The woman on the phone said if it got too bad, we should call the police. I don't want to be that parent - the one who calls the police on their child. I can't help it but I don't want the neighbors to know how out of control he is and I just don't see that as a real solution to the problem. We were able to get a doctor from the medical practice to write a prescription for risperidone. It was one of the medications Xavier was on last year.
Poor Xavier, he was starting to come down from his episode at this time and was making promises to work harder on the Feingold diet. He had had some apple juice and was sure that it was what happened since apples are not allowed during stage one of the diet. He was afraid to be touched because he didn't want to hurt us. He was sweating profusely. I knew in my heart that this was something more than just behavior. Xavier is not a bad kid. He's not a violent person.
We are putting him back on the risperidone at a tiny dosage. Even when he was on it before the doctor kept commenting what a small dosage he needed. If we can help him with this little pill then it's worth it. We'll try helping him with other therapies still.
Rob is supposed to make an appointment with Xavier's doctor and we will call for intervention services to see if there is more we can do. We've got a long summer ahead of us but the goal is to make high school successful so I am willing to do this all now.

School's Out

Xavier had his last day of middle school on Friday. He's excited for high school but I have to wait for his math grades to arrive to see what we're doing for the summer. The schools here do not offer a summer school option so it will be a home school math class. My goal is to get him into the next level of math for his freshman year of school.
My dad suggested a math learning disability called Dyscalculia. We've looked at his test scores and they aren't bad - he stays in the acceptable range but his class performance has steadily decreased over the last 3 years with his final semester at 43%. This means something is happening in the classroom that makes math difficult for him. He has hopes that he aced his math final because it will bump him up to a passable grade but it doesn't solve the problem. He's had 2 different teachers so it's not the teachers or the teaching style since we addressed that last year.
He doesn't like the math classes but he's capable.
One solution I have come up with is the home schooling programs. Legally they should meet the requirements of his math classes and allow him to choose something else to fill that time slot in school. Because he has a special education class, he loses one of his electives. By home schooling math he could have an elective back. The problem is getting Xavier to co-operate. I don't mind arguing with the school or fighting for his right to be home schooled in math - it's getting Xavier on board with doing math at home.
Back to the Dyscalculia. One of the major symptoms of the disability is the inability to recognize groups of items and their numbers. Meaning that normally a person can tell there are 3 apples on the table without counting them, a person with Dyscalculia can not. We quizzed Xavier and he didn't have a problem. In fact he was very exact with his answers. We wanted something more ballpark and he gave us exact.
In testing him, I remembered that when he was little he loved to do math in the car while on trips. I would give him simple math problems and he would try to answer them as fast as he could. So his basic math skills are fine but that Algebra is kicking his butt.
Aside from math, Xavier has quite a few plans for the summer. If the weather ever improves there will be lots of swimming. Today got a little nice but not nearly warm enough for the outdoor pool. We'll take him to the indoor pool this evening while Rob and I go to the gym.
Xavier hopes to finish his requirements for his Eagle Scout rank. He zoomed through all the requirements to get to Life and then stalled on Eagle. The biggest part of the Eagle rank is a project. Xavier had a great project in mind but it was far larger than he could really manage (and kept getting bigger). His new scoutmaster has an easy project for him and if it all works out he will have it done by the 4th of July.
Xavier isn't really interested in doing the reading program at the library but we've come up with our own reading program for the summer. Xavier picked out 12 books that we own that have been made into movies. We both will read the books and then we will watch the movie. They are a mix of middle grade and young adult books. I have a list of them on my reading blog.
Rob is home with Xavier this summer so they have lots of cooking plans. Rob is working on a cookbook and helping out with a recipe website so there should be lots of experimenting going on in the house. Maybe we'll talk Xavier into making his own cookbook for Christmas gifts.

Visit with the doctor and summer planning

We took Xavier to the doctor on Monday to talk about treatment options and to see if the doctor would be supportive of alternate therapies. The doctor had a med student shadowing him so it was a packed house. Xavier was really cool with the med student and they talked about how she was a UW student (we are a WSU family). I have to say I really like Xavier's new doctor. He listened to all our plans and took notes so he could do some research on the therapies we wanted to look into. He's willing to talk with Xavier's Neurologist to get medication information. Xavier would really like to avoid medications. We have put him on a slew of supplements - multi-vitamin/mineral, lobelia, melatonin, probiotics and an omega blend. He was worried that the omega blend would have fish oils but it turned out to be all vegetarian so he takes his supplements without arguing. He understands that if this works then he won't have to take medication.
School gets out on Friday so we're starting to plan Xavier's summer. This summer Rob will be home, at least most of the time. Rob is trying to come up with a way to work from home so he can be around more and to do something that he loves. We don't know what will happen but it's a relief to have someone to watch over Xavier. Xavier can stay home by himself - he did it most of last summer but he spends his time snacking and watching tv because he can't really leave the house. We tried to set up some activities but without an adult to see he got to where he needed to go he ended up missing out. As I am writing this, Xavier is supposed to be coming up with a plan for his summer. I was going to enroll him in the library volunteer program but he swears he's too busy to do the library work. He wants to work on being more fit and to do cooking experiments with his Dad. He's, also, working towards his Eagle rank with the Scouts and has a few merit badges to work on. He may have an Eagle project in the works if he can put in the work to get the credit (it's designing and installing a flag pole in our apartment complex - his new scoutmaster is also the maintenance man for our complex). He has a lot of plans but I want him to come up with a way of completing the tasks he needs to. He has until the 25th to convince me that his plan is better than my plan (that's the last training for the library program). I think he'll have a good summer, I just don't want it wasted in front of the tv.

Rebuttal - of sorts

I got to thinking about my post yesterday and had really wanted to add things to it. The post was already getting long and I like to keep them on the short side. I don't want to give the impression that we aren't good parents or that Xavier is completely incapable. That just is not true. We are caring parents with a wonderful boy but we have problems just outside of the norm.
Xavier is highly intelligent and has always been one to decide when he developed a certain skill. At three months, he decided he didn't like breastfeeding and wanted a bottle. At a year, he gave up the bottle for a cup. Both situations were instant - once he was done he was done. However, he had a pacifier until he was six. He was good about not taking it to school but he needed that comfort. Potty training was a completly different story - he did not want to potty train. Even in kindergarten he was having problems until we stopped allowing him to come home after an accident. His caregiver had been bringing him home to clean him up and since class was only a half day it never made sense to take him back. One day, she decided to clean him up at school and send him back to class. That took care of that problem but we still had to put him on a bathroom schedule to prevent accidents at home. It didn't bother him to be wet and going to the bathroom would interrupt his play. The schedule lasted a couple years until he got tired of the constant interruptions (and I think he matured just enough to figure it all out).
As for life skills, Xavier has been self sufficient in the kitchen since he was 2. This may seem like a really young age but I needed him to be able to be a little self sufficient since he was not much of a sleeper. He did fine on 3-4 hours a sleep at night, I was exhausted. By teaching him to fix his own breakfast and snacks I would get an extra hour or two sleep in the morning. At this age he was also very good at turning on the tv and finding ways to entertain himself. We had to have chain locks on the doors to prevent him from going outside but it worked.
At about age 10 Xavier started getting the bug to create his own recipes. He had been cooking and baking for ages by this time. He and I developed some recipes together and now he does a competative Dutch Oven cooking event every year. Last year he designed one of the recipes on his own. We're going to play with it a little for an upcoming Betty Crocker competition.
Xavier does his own laundry and cleans his bathroom. Not well and not without guidance (mostly just reminders to do the work). He can wash dishes, load and unload a dishwasher so he's got a lot of skills for living on his own.
I was really proud of his ability to be aware of the world. Every morning he sits and watches Good Morning America with his Dad and I. Xavier likes to discuss the show and often records it when he sees things he wants to know more about but has to go to school. He had some pretty strong feelings about this last presidential election that were totally different from his Dad and I's. If he could have voted he would have voted for someone different from us, it was a little weird and we weren't sure of his reasons but it was nice to see he was thinking it through.
He's very supportive of charities and has a strong sense of injustice - he was totally crushed when we found out that the guy from Stones for Schools was a fraud because it was a charity program Xavier supported whole-heartedly.
I think a good description of Xavier's charity work would make for a great post in the near future.
Xavier's biggest problem is his focus. He can be very focused to the point of obsession or he barely focuses at all. I think the trick is to learn how to make this work for him.